Volume II

[Telemark]

I have mixed feelings, but I sent this:

"W,

I have been thinking a lot about your health issues and I am concerned about you. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow.

M"

I feel very stuck tonight. The finality of everything has really been hitting hard lately; I can't stop thinking about my W and what she is doing. I know it is the worst thing I can do, but it's like some endless loop I can't stop.

[~ kd ~]

Hey TM... I feel for you and perhaps now is a great time to create that Rock'a'billy Opera you've been putting off...

I've had a few moments of deep sorrow in the last month but for me right now, even for the stumps in the road, the future looks bright...

I don't remember what it was for me, but I can concur with others who say this... you really don't recognize that "moment" when you get to that "everything's going to be OK" space...

Everything will be OK... it will get better...

[Telemark]

Thanks, KD, I know it will...I guess my impatience is taking over, 'cause I want to be all better NOW.

Marathon, not sprint...marathon, not sprint...

[jbnati]

Telemark, hang in there, man.

Even if your M were to pull out of this, all of this may be necessary.

Leave it in God's hands and wait for His perfect timing. There is a much bigger plan for all this than you can ever imagine, and it's good.

Praying for you, brother.

[Telemark]

Thanks, jb. You always have the right words and advice.

It feels like turning a battleship 180 degrees in a sea of molasses - it's painfully slow but it is moving in a different direction.

Those times of despair are becoming less frequent, though. They hits me hardest when I am home alone in the evening, so I am trying to get out of the house more often and just do something.

[jbnati]

Yes, it would probably help if you got out of the house more often to just do something. Maybe there's a Ladies group at your church you could join?

[Telemark]

No such luck, jb. Good idea,though.

W is coming over this morning to pick up some mail; she changed her address but some things still come here. I'm eager to see her and terrified to see her at the same time. I feel like the 3 months of separation have strengthened my detachment...will seeing her bring all the codependent feelings back again?

[~¤DG¤~]

It's really hard to say Telemark.
I also think that not seeing H helps with my detachment also.
The moment I saw him when I dropped off his mail, those feelings came back, but they didn't linger as long.

You will be ok, and you will get through this.

[greenblue90]

Ladies group?!
I'd say start dating again. You'll feel better about yourself, and it's happened more than once here where the WAW ran back as soon as the LBS got an OW of his own. That said do it for yourself, at least have a little fun.

Disclaimer: this only applies to guys like telemark who are really far down the road. If you just started DB don't try this at home

[Telemark]

I'm still married, gb90. Until the ink is dried on the D papers I am standing for my vows. Some people will think I'm nuts, or weak, or whatever about that, but it's what I believe.

And I have no desire to date or start a new relationship. Still have a lot of work to do on myself.