He just came back and told me he was sorry for the last part - where he gets really controlling and starts telling me what things are going to look like. He said let's just focus on D for the next to weeks re: sleeping, and finding a psychologist (again, his idea about a shrink re: how insane her sleep has gotten and he doesn't want to let her CIO), and I said "Focusing on D sounds good." Which is all I've been doing - no R talks from me here - that's all I've wanted. And he said, "Well, yeah." And I said "Yeah, but you act like if I am concerned with her, there's something wrong with me." He said, "Well no. Let's not go on, but no." (But that is a HUGE part of this that he doesn't value my thoughts and feelings around this stuff.) - he just wants things his way and doesn't listen to me - he'll do things differently - but not necessarily take my opinion or feedback (IDK). He said he's shot - all that talking does something to him - I said, "You're a man." And he said, "You're a woman." And so I said, "Okay, thanks for saying that."
I also should mention that in the 9-million hour convo I told him I just wanted us to let go of the anger and escalating and everything and be friends. He said he did too but he still treats me very angrily. So I'm still working on it. Even though I have a lot of anger - I'm just trying not to show it to him - but when I see he is working with D's best interest in mind, it makes it SOO much easier for me to be nice to him (and then go back to wishing we were together- ugh) - but when I feel like he's being selfish and nasty, I get really b*tchy. Bleh.
Off to bed. It's 1 am. And I really don't even remember the last time I slept. D was up last night from 1:30 to 5:30 and then awake at 7:30 - but she'll sleep when he's here and wake only once (looking for me, he says) but then go back down.
