alcoholic H decided he wants D

[imthemom]

thanks VC..i must say that at that meeting when I told him that, i felt that is one of the few times Ive handled this whole thing well. I was honest but firm and did not react at all to what he was saying, after that it all went down hill and I have felt like crap!!..I listened to some well meaning friends who all said I need to file first and was angry and stressed and caused alot of drama with him. Now that Im back to what I originally wanted to do (take the approach of this is not what I want your on your own buddy) I feel much better. This is the end of day 2 with NO contact what so ever...Ive had moments of panic wondering what he is doing, am I going to get served out of the blue? Is he missing us? but I cant dwell on that because this is also day 2 of no crying...and that I am proud of. laying on the bathroom floor sobbing is not attractive, I dont care how good you look!
Turns out I wont have to deal with him tomorrow, the frieght company had to reschedule for Monday.. and I am fine with that..another day of no contact. Im on a mission to see how long I can go. Have been working on being honest with myself..about my part in this mess and about what I need to work on....on the way home from my run I passed the gym that he has been going to and thought I saw his truck...actually turned around to do a drive by and when I got to the lot I just kept on going...because honestly, that is not who I am!!..he use to text me as I drove by "I see you", they have huge windows in front and he would always see me on my way home from my run....at the time i would text him back "stalker boy"...now I miss it soooo much. He use to text every single morning and say good morning and it would annoy the crap out of me...now my phone sitting on the counter with no message kills me every morning...see? He was not alone in crushing this marriage. I took it for granted that he wasnt going anywere. shame on me....
BUT...he has also told me that if I would have let him come back a year ago, he would probabley still be leaving me now...what does that mean??? He has yet to even tell me why he wants a D!!..literally 6 weeks ago he was still texting me about how he didnt want to lose his family and please be patient while he works on his problems and then we would be soooo happy. for the life of me I cant figure out what happened, it felt very over night...I know he was graduating from his recovery group and had to be nervouse about that. sometimes I feel AA did more harm then good..and other times Im thankfull for them cus hes still alive...