Did I mention that on Thursday night, I met with my girlfriends to plan our girl's trip....we were at a house just two houses up the street. H called my cell phone a bunch of times and i didn't answer (phone in purse) and didn't hear it ring....but then around 11:30 my friend did answer HER cell phone....she passed it to me.......and H just said that I should never give him any *rap about not answering his phone. SO NOT THE SAME THING. He is gone most Saturdays, alone, for hours at a time.....I was at a friends house, he knew where I was and I didn't hear the phone ringing. SO NOT THE SAME THING. When I got home, I kind of confronted him when he said that I shouldn't "hassle him" about not answering his phone. SERIOUSLY??!!!! I said "Come on...X....you know you can't be reached for 3,4,5 or even 6 hours at a time EVERY Saturday. He did let that go. I couldn't sleep that night. He is a manipulator.
I was thinking about it today, 3 years ago, he said that "you don't trust me and you always think I'm doing something else".....well YEAH! He is. Full on, I have proof he is helping OW with her house. He is a liar. It is so hurtful.
So....headed for Vegas at the break of dawn.
I am living with Jekyll and Hyde. Or maybe that is me? ugh....
A.
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
We are back from Vegas. Had a fun trip with 3 other couples. Dancing, dinners, drinks, etc... exhausting!
Back to work today. He asked me a few times over the weekend when my "girl's trip" was. It is the first weekend in November, but I just answer in early Nov. I'm sure he is planning some fab weekend with OW. Should I even go on this trip? Am I making it too easy? Do I really want to live like this with this lack of trust? It really bites.
Lately whenever we travel and he doesn't have access to his other secret phone, there are calls from numbers like 9999999999 or 00045653....obviously alias numbers.
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
Do I really want to live like this with this lack of trust? It really bites.
I still vote for the P.I.
Quote:
Lately whenever we travel and he doesn't have access to his other secret phone, there are calls from numbers like 9999999999 or 00045653....obviously alias numbers.
Ummm..ok. I'm such a Luddite, I can't figure this one out. How do you get other numbers to show up when you call??? And why wouldn't you make them realistic looking numbers? You may be over-reading this?
I've been reading along with your posts for a long time, but I think this is the first time I've posted to you.
I was thinking of you last night when I was out a dinner with a girlfriend and her "boyfriend". This "boyfriend" is married.
My friend is a successful, single woman. She’s outgoing, gorgeous, fun, independent. She doesn’t need to date married men, but he pursued her mercilessly and she claims she “fell in love with him for all he had to tolerate in his ‘life-of-quiet-desperation’ at home in his unsatisfying marriage.” (puke)
Tbe affair has been going on for a couple of years, he’s involved in her life, he helps her with stuff on her house, they socialize with her group, he’s met her family and is part of her friendship group. For all intents and purposes they are a couple. They get on really well and she claims it’s the best sex she’s ever had. They told me last night that he has decided he's going to leave his wife after Christmas, and he's saving and figuring out the financial stuff now.
Here's the kicker. He hasn't shared that important piece of information with his wife.
I called my girlfriend this morning to ask her “WTF?” – and she claims that he and his wife live like old friends, they rarely make love, their kids are almost grown up, and he thinks that she’ll be shocked at first, but she’ll get over it because she doesn’t “love” him in a romantic way anyway. She said that the wife “knows” about the affair but the OM and his wife don’t talk about it. Apparently he perceives that’s because she doesn’t really care. (I would say it’s because she’s too upset and angry with him to know what to say)
You and I both know that this will come as a horrible shock to his wife and she’ll be devastated. My friend and her lover don’t seem to appreciate it.
The reason I thought of you is that I worry that while you and your H are not talking about this, you don’t have a clue where you stand. There are serious implications for you if he decides to change his life without discussing it with you.
Be careful Abbey. Your husband is treating you very badly and goodness knows what is going on in his head. You need to protect yourself, just in case.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
I Know! Agreed..........Just need to "man up". Scared about even considering the PI and legal situation...I get this serious adrenaline rush (fight or flight) even thinking about THAT and ALL of it.
xo, A.
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
The reason I thought of you is that I worry that while you and your H are not talking about this, you don’t have a clue where you stand. There are serious implications for you if he decides to change his life without discussing it with you.
Be careful Abbey. Your husband is treating you very badly and goodness knows what is going on in his head. You need to protect yourself, just in case.
Thankyou Virginia... Ugh don't know where I stand....you are right! I flip-flop back and forth....strong athletic mountain climbing gal to wimpy clingy empty nester wife....back and forth.
We have to take the good with the bad I suppose.
In my case:
GOOD: 1) Great provider and father 2) Adventurous & outdoorsy 3) Easy going
BAD: 1) Secretive 2) Dishonest 3) Cheater
A.
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
Wow, walking... that's a very interesting story... I have to say that I don't ever remember having friends who were dating married people... maybe because in a "normal" world, I wouldn't tolerate it... I'm glad you spoke to your friend...
And further interesting, how your GF (the OW) is being told "how things are" regarding this WAH and his LBW... she is only hearing one side...
And going even further, how that LBW could very well be here talking with us and trying hard to DB... but the WAH is just so enraptured by the OW/gf that he is clueless to his W's trauma...
*sigh*... perspective, perspective, perspective... no matter how you slice it, this kind of stuff is just horrible...
