I think mine cost me around $1500. I was not the one who wanted the divorce but I was the one who paid 100% for it. Like you, I did not think I wanted a divorce. And I have to admit it felt weird, going on a dating site as "separated". What? after 3+ years? My L told me I did not need a divorce. But the truth is - I did. I did for ME!
It was the best $1500 I ever spent. I know it is "just a piece of paper". But truly - it is far more than that. And once I got that piece of paper - I moved forward faster and further than I ever thought.
On the day my divorce was final (the day after my mother died), I toasted my ex and our marriage with the kids at dinner. I told them I was sorry we were divorced - that I had always wanted much more than that for them. But that I had done everything I could to save our family - but it was not meant to be. We were a new, smaller family but - the important thing was - if I had never married their dad - I would never have had them. And for that - I was toasting.
Get the divorce. Drop the ties to her. Let the girls do their thing with her and different, new traditions with you.
And forget the other one. No point in grieving longer than the R lasted.
