First off, you need to get back your self-esteem. Whether or not you're going to save your M, you need to save yourself first.
I'll be the first to say that your H is an @$$. He likes pushing your buttons, it's obvious. Right now you need to picture him as something you stepped in and have to wipe off your shoe.
He's shown you no respect and for that, you have a right to be pissed. Protect yourself first. In fact, I would make plans to move back home immediately. You know what he's been doing behind your back and it's going to leave your kids and you out in the cold.
Consult a L to know what your rights are right away. He will start to do more underhanded things, so you want to make sure your assets are protected. You don't want him to start emptying out your savings without you knowing.
We are all here to help you whatever your decision may be, but what you must remember is to not feel guilty about what you're doing.
He is the one causing all of this. Not you. He's going to start pushing your buttons more than ever, just to get a reaction, but don't give in.
When my W was at that stage, I learned to picture her like one of those homeless people who ramble nonsense. I learned to here blah blah blah when she was at her worst and it didn't hut.
You can do it.
Bond, You are absolutely right. I'm sitting here in this place, spinning wheels. Getting a job would be a huge help to my self-esteem. Being able to help myself, rather than relying on the scraps he throws me.
We're good at pushing each other's buttons. I'v learned how to back off, but he gets very trigger happy. He needs to just chill.
I wish I could go home immediately, but I would need money to do that. Plus, I would hate to pull S4 out of school. Plus, his birthday is in November. I would like him to have one last birthday with his mom and dad to celebrate with him. If we can just hold out a couple of months, we could have enough money for the uhaul to move us up there (I hope).
I did talk to him about the rumor I heard. He said he knows nothing about it, but that he would question our landlord. I'm not putting much stock into what he says right now. This man I have been dealing with is not my H. I can't trust a single thing that comes out of his mouth.
I know that with the pre-filing mediation, no paperwork related to the case can be filed yet. That means, no temporary support forms have been done. All I know is that he better get his mess together on getting all the mediation paperwork done, or he's going to miss his chance to attempt to do this without getting lawyers involved. I need to put a plan in place. In all truth, I don't see us being able to do it all through mediation. We can agree on everything except the spousal support part. All I want is for him to help me out every month until I get my degree. It's really not that much in the grand scheme of things. He thinks he can get away with giving me 6 months of support. Ha!
As far as the guilt goes, my conscience is clear. I know that I was willing to get my hands dirty to make us work - I still am. He's not right now, and I accept that. I have no choice but to move forward for myself and the boys. They need me right now.
