Another one you might try is having a greeting card sent to your house if you are still living together. Have someone else write out the address and leave the return address blank. Picking a card with a brightly colored envelope will draw more attention.
If you're calling a spouse with caller id, dial *67 first, then the number. The caller id will be blocked and they will not know where you are calling from.
Laurie, thanks for your help Friday! R hasn't given me a date yet for her weekend.
Hi Dedicated, Glad to see that you found this! Also, thanks for adding some great ideas to add some mystery. I'm out of town right now, but will be checking back to this site early next week. Please keep me updated, OK?
And to you SG, hope all is well!
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
LOSER B.S. PURE AND SIMPLE. why? db suggests GETTING A LIFE... not PRETENDING like you have one.
if you have to resort to deception to keep your marriage alive, i say they're better off w/o you. only the smuggest, most self-centered egomaniac could sleep soundly after a spouse returned based on these methods.
Mystery is about moving on--by not letting your S in on every little thing that goes in your life. Mystery is a way of demonstrating how you have moved on.
Mystery also is a like a specialized form of "act as if"--it helps you go through the motions until you feel better. Often, a lot of the types of things you would do to create mystery are also going to boost the PMA.
Mystery is also something that can increase who attractive you are to your spouse--which is always a good thing, no matter what shape your M is in. You just vary how you create mystery to better fit your situation.
look... le'me clarify my statement (and, for the record, i understand the point):
the more attention to appearance, if it's not a ploy and you stick w/ it regardless of marriage outcome, i agree w/. if you've been a slob or borderline or whatever... GOOD.
in fact anything that's NOT A PLOY and will be CONTINUED, REGARDLESS OF MARITAL SITUATION, i don't see anything wrong w/.
it's the PLOYS. the faked phone calls, the 'GOTTA GO! CAN'T TALK!' then drive around for a 1/2 hour and come back... THOSE are PLOYS. they are DECEPTION. they are PRETENSE. you can rationalize lies all you like, in the end they are still lies.
fabrications, deceptions and ploys are NOT 'MOVING ON.'
perhaps YOU misunderstood... you are advised to GET/BUILD a life... not PRETNED to have done so. there is no self-esteem in fake, arranged whatevers for appearance.
in the end, i will know that i've made the changes i need to make and have acted in the way i need to act to feel better about myself and how i've handled my situation. i could, should things work out, look my other in the eye and be honest about everything.
would those who engineered phone calls or faked whatever be able to do the same?
*snuggling after love.*
'hey... i got something funny to tell you. you remember when we were separated..? and i'd get calls about doing stuff or have to run off and not be able to talk cuz i had something to do? it was all a GAG! i had people call me when i was around you to make you think i had some stuff going on. and i'd just drive around for a while when i'd run off to 'do something.' that's pretty FUNNY, HUH?
'but we're together again and you love me and that's ALL THAT MATTERS... right?'
by any means necessary..? ends justify the means..?
not if you truly love someone... NO.
i repeat: if you have to resort to falsehoods and deception - HOWEVER YOU RATIONALIZE IT - they're better off w/o you.
I too still live at house (currently anyway) It's hard to creat mystery when you are still so close to each other and W is the one going to see OM and I have D12 to worry about. I have gone out w/friends a couple of time & one night didn't come home. Wife let me have it right between the eyes. Not wondering where I had been - just that I didn't let her know my plans to stay out?
Quote: Not wondering where I had been - just that I didn't let her know my plans to stay out?
I agree with her, it was ilresponsible sp, forget her. Ignore her, and focus on your D12 and the house. Have meals on time, even if she is not there. The key is lure her back with a better you. You do this by spending more time with your D12.
I've thought about that. I think her LL is a combination of things but mainly affirmations - She would always say thanks for doing things around the housae & for her.
