time and distance

[any chance?]

Update:
Been gone for almost a week at a conference. W and I are in the profession, and have many friends in common. Spent quite a bit of time talking with mutual friends about our situation. All were surprised and saddening, and offered support. It was good, but exhausting.

W got ahold of me yesterday. She is coming back next week for a visit. Wants to see old friends and have some appointments. She has been gone for 8 weeks now. She was moving in for one and was sick for 2, so it has not been that long (her words). Today on the phone she referred to resigning her position here (she is on a leave of abscence), which was the first time she mentioned never coming back. I asked her about it, and she said that she has not made any decisions. Says she likes where she is, and cannot see coming back. Strange thing to say with no job, no friends, nothing permannent where she is. She also talked to a lawyer, and said it was probably time to get the process started again. She wants a separation, not a divorce, so she can keep her health insurance. She said we would talk about it when she got here next week.

Long conversation with a mutual friend after that. MF does not think W will come back, even if she realizes she has made a mistake, even if she finds the grass is not greener on the other side. MF says it would be too hard for W to step back into her life.

My heart is broken. Feel like I have been discarded, left in the dust. Not sure why I had hope for so long. W has probably been gone for a very long time. I have been very supportive of her through her depression and troubles. I feel like that glimmer of hope I have been holding onto has been smashed. I feel hopeless. Nice guys really do finish last.

Life is beginning to look very, very different. And it is not a pretty sight.

[~ kd ~]

I feel for you, AC...

So... how are you doing...? Is there anything positive going on in your life? Things you have learned... the person you've become... plans for the future... trips you've always wanted to take, but never got around to...?

[~¤DG¤~]

(((AC)) I'm sorry that you are hurting.
I know exactly how you are feeling man.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

Just know I'm thinking about you.

[Telemark]

AC, I'm sorry to read this. I know where you are; sadness, confusion and disbelief it's happening.

Can you just get out of town; go somewhere new even for a few days just to clear your head?

Praying for you, my friend.

[jbnati]

AC, I'm sorry to hear this, too. Don't believe other's opinions verbatim. They're worth consideration, but you have a choice to believe what you wish to believe. You have a choice to believe the positive or the negative thoughts.

Take more advantage of this gift of time to become the best possible AC you can be. You have the power to make your life what you want it to be.

Hang in there, man. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[gunny]

Ac,

Sorry to hear about this latest, but, as people are constantly saying on this board, this is a rollercoaster, it is entirely possible that your next conversation with her could be more positive in nature. The only thing we can do, again because I am in very very similar sitch, is to continue to detach, so that if these kinds of tough days happen, they will affect us less and less each time. My s is leaving next fri, the countdown has already begun. When I feel bad, I go into the other room or outside and cry, wipe the tears, and press forward. This is all we can do, but it will get better, keep the faith!!

[any chance?]

Had a session with IC today. My guts are all twisted in knots, as I think the reality of the situation is sinking in. Just when you think the rollercoaster cannot dip any lower, you find there are always deeper troughs.

Talk with IC was good. IC thinks the D would be a good idea, as it would put an end to the limbo, and let healing begin. I really don't think so, as I don't think I will ever understand what happened, and W has done what she has done. She has thrown everything away - job, home, friends, future, me - for nothing. She has no job, no income, no friends - just a month to month rental property out west. She said she was taking time away to heal, but what she is really doing is leaving everything behind and starting over. And I gave her a very soft landing with lots of support. I am an idiot.

My M is a casualty of W emontional storm and depression. It is as if it has all been worthless. M is nothing but a bad dream in W eyes. So sad.

I need to move forward. If only I could understand a tiny bit. But I do not understand.

Thanks for listening.

[any chance?]

How do you know when it is really over? Or do you just assume it is over, and move on? At what point does hope die?

[Hopeful321]

These are very good questions. I would like to know myself.

[~ kd ~]

I think the best answer to that AC, at least my opinion is...

It's over when your mind stops asking that question...