Compassion for a MLCer

[broken5150]

ooops sorry about that. didnt copy my whole reply.

Here it is....


25 & CAT,

Thank you both for your replies and input.

First and foremost, I agree with everything 25 has written. Sometimes, actually, most of the time, I do catch myself repeating things over and over again. This is something I’m really trying to work on. And I know how it probably looks like from a readers stand point “Man this guy just keeps whining and whining the whole thing over and over again”.

If any of you have read the book of Job in the bible, I pretty much sound like him.

To be honest, I think the reason I do it, is to read other readers opinions so I won’t feel like I’m the only one that this has happened to (The whole strength in numbers thing).

I know through my ranting, I never really touch base on what Im doing for my GAL’ing…

First, Ive grown with God allot. Im spending allot of time in church (worship team, mens group, small group etc.) and also, learning in depth about what he wants from me and the type of life I should be living.

Ive been going to counciling once a week. Not only to I speak to C about what W is doing, also, Im taking advice on how NOT to repeat my previous mistakes and how to help my babies get through this season and be the best dad I can be.

I signed up my S13 in the gym so I can show him the ropes and have my little work out partner. Also, every time we go, I bring the other babies and let them hang out in the toddler room. Every day the kids look forward to have me come and pick them up. S13 is at that age that he just wants to sit in his room and play his xbox or watch wrestling.

One thing W has been commenting on, is how Ive stepped up to the plate and become a great dad. But when she doesn’t get what she wants, Im a “Deadbeat dad”. Another thing she has been ragging on me is, how I have not gotten my own apt. Well, Ive been very foolish and Ive been giving her allot of $. That, and also what I spend on the kids and on myself has left me living pay check to pay check. Her nasty comments about me not being man enough to get two jobs or calling me a loser jarred me in a sense that I HAD to start finding legal help.

Yeah, its very easy for her to call me these things when she is living rent free and mommy is doing everything for her.

This is one of my biggest source of anger 25, how we built a home and family together and she just found me as something disposable and threw me out with nothing! Then, she wants to suck every penny out of me and doesn’t care how or where Im living. Ive been VERY patient with her and I still honored her as my wife and have shown lots of support despite of all the nastiness Ive been receiving from her. Ive been hearing allot of comments from friends and family saying that they don’t know how I haven’t lost my mind. And needless to say, how shes rubbing OM in my face.

Now about the legal matters…

25, you have NO idea how I was recently blessed…

I was referred to a real great Christian lawyer by my pastor. However, this L wanted a $5,000 retainer. Where in the heck was I going to get $5000 from?!?

Anyway, just yesterday, my keyboard player in the worship team is very close friend of mine. Kind of like a dad to me. His W also went through an MLC and left him. Actually, he was the one that told me about MLC.

My friend is VP of an infamous chain of restaurants here in S. Florida.

L is a good friend of his :o)

Yesterday, my friend called me up and told me he had lunch with L and told him about my sitch. My friend told me “Broken, I went through the same thing you have and I don’t want you to get screwed over. God has put it in my heart to help you. Ive been blessed with a great job. Please accept that I paid your retainer!”

After a long pause, and sucking up tears. I asked him how could I repay him? He said, “you don’t have to. You were there when it happened to me and you are a good man. Consider it that its God looking after you”.

How about that!

Well, now that I have a L. I can now feel a little safer that Im not going to get TOTALLY screwed.

Now I can plan on getting an apt and show W that I can make it on my own steam. After all, I really needed a place for me and the kids when W is out doing her thing.

Once I get my apt. I would love to finally go back to school! Also, with my apt, all of my kids friends can come over and hang with them again. Their parents have stopped bringing the kids over to the house because of whats going on. Also, W has developed kind of a avoidant personality towards the parents. The last parent she met with, W told her that I left the house for another woman and that I physically abused W.

During this past year 25, Ive learned a great deal of patience. Although I have my moments of anger, I also spend the majority of my time in peace. I have a great support group.

I do love my W. But, when emotions are out of the way, I do realize that we were not in a healthy marriage. There were too many bad ingredients.

I would of loved for the both of us to go to counseling and work out our problems and live in a home of our own but she refuses to. She only sees me as the source of all our problems.

All the changes Ive been doing are for me. In her current state of mind, I don’t think she will ever see them. And to be honest, Im starting to careless whether she does or not.

Since I left her home, Ive been sleeping better. While I was at her home, I was waking up every hour on the hour. I would wake up to hear her buzzard (MIL) screaming at my daughter or whining and complaining how everything falls on her blah blah blah. The constant blaring of the TV’s with annoying Spanish soap operas was downright obnoxious!

25, I feel like I never really had a chance to be the man I should be in that home. She always ran to her Mother for everything good or bad because MIL was there from the beginning and she’s still there. Within the last couple of years, Ive gone through some tough situations like when I had to situate my father in a home. I went through a year of hell trying to get his VA benefits to kick in and being in and out of emergency rooms with him. To think she would notice this and see how I’m making strides in responsibilities and take to heart that I would go above and beyond for her as well??? Gues what I got in return??? I remember one night being very depressed not knowing if dad was going to get his benefits. W asks me “What’s wrong with you” I told her I was very worried about dad and his benefits. Her reply was “ If you are so worried and depressed, go jump off a bridge!”

I’m taking a chance in writing this comment because I really don’t want to sound self righteous but, I’ve turned to God to help me through this. Per MLC script, she is manipulating her environment to find her happiness instead of looking inward. She thinks that by tattooing a rosary on her ankle makes her good with God. She is just worshiping a god of her own creation.

Our marriage wasn’t perfect. It was kind of rough but, I would of NEVER abandoned her.

Im planning on going back to playing in cover bands and continuing my movie prop collections. These are things she had complained about and I put on the back burner. Actually, I just about put my whole life on the back burner for her.

What you wrote made allot of sense, 25. And the more independent I become, the less I see myself standing for our M. Im going through with the D and Im looking forward to being happy. This was her choice. Not mine. If it works out for her, great. If not, oh well.

She has spent almost our whole R comparing me to other men. Asking me “Why can you be like so and so. So and so’s W doesn’t have to work. So and so makes all this $ and you don’t”. “You will be nothing without me”. “Your kids can careless if you would ever walk in that door again”.

And now she pulls this???

Uh uh.

I the line is drawn here. No further

Im gonna live life for God, my kids and myself.