alcoholic H decided he wants D

[imthemom]

thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice..just climbed into bed to read and get my mind off things and decided to check the forum and was so happy to see my post were up and had replies!!...did have a nice dinner with my boys and then actually got out of the house for the first time since the bomb and went to see a girlfriend. got alittle sad on the way home but managed to have the first day of not crying at all!!! This truly is not my nature and I dont understand why this has me so flat on my back, the boys were gone this weekend and I spent the whole weekend alone and crying non stop..I was a mess by sunday.
Today is also the first day of no contact, Im "going dark" as you guys say...:)
Danl: thanks for the insight on the alcoholism..I have also been thinking the dry drunk thing..he actually graduated from his program he had been doing for the past 18 months last week and I think that freaked him out. I know I did not cause him to drink, he was a drinker when I met him, but to hear him say that to me with such flat out resentment in his voice was tough.
verycrazy: i will read the MLC chapter tonight, i skipped it since i didnt think it applied...and i DONT want this divorce, but he already has papers and is going to have me served..I really cant afford a lawyer alone so was trying to talk him into spliting a mediation appt. with me. I dont want to do that but he is backing me into a corner. What he wants me to agree to will not be fair or enough for us to get by on. I did think about it today and thought that if he wants it so bad he can have me served and when he does then I will just pay for a lawyer myself and go from there. it will just cost me a lot more then sitting with him and working it out ourselves ...but it will buy me some time, which at this point is more important to me then money. I have been thinking of things to work on myself...have been seeing a C for the last year and have an appt next week. I really want to work on my patience and focus on my boys. Gonna get back into running daily, have slacked on the in the past month and miss it a lot. it is my therapy
Thank you so much, it means alot to have people who really understand
ITM