...is there something else that you might do that MIGHT be helpful...?
This is really the issue I'm having. It was suggested by my IC to bring it up at some point in a tactful way, and while I see the value in doing this if she actually tries, she's made it fairly clear to me that she doesn't want to work on our marriage, only our communication. In that context there are a number of things we could talk about, but I'm having an issue really finding things that may be helpful to us.
MC gives us certain strategies, but in the daily pleasant life we have, opportunities to directly put these tools to use are rare. I casually mentioned once that I may want to practice some of these tools, even framing it in a non-relationship way, and she shook her head as I began talking about it. So I just moved onto something else mid-sentence.
I do that type of thing far less; clam up and avoid topics that might be upsetting to her. Instead, I watch how I talk about that and carefully watch my frame of mind. All this, while very helpful and is certainly helping us enjoy each others presence more, still has no direct impact on her views/feelings regarding our marriage (she has said so, without prompting).
The fact is, she still doesn't believe in me. Only time will allow that to change, if she opens herself to the possibility. Otherwise, I believe in myself, and will continue on the path to becoming the best person I can be. Frankly, I don't think anyone, including me, should be married to someone who doesn't believe in them. So unless that changes, I don't see this working out. I'm not giving up, I'm just more realistic.
