More thinkin' today while I'm working. Sometimes it just feels better to spew it out here on this MB.
Today I was thinking about why my W tends to never engage in deep conversations. So over the last several days I've been thinking of why. Did something really bad happen to her when she was growing up? She just has seemed to withold feelings, and I think I'm just now realizing it.
She has also suffered from low self-esteem. She's always seeking approval from others. She is devastated by any kind of rejection. She really likes to be affirmed by others. That being said, I've recognized this, but she's seemed to brush off my compliments and affirmation.
I can remember a couple years ago she was her parents realtor when they were moving back to Ohio. It was emotionally draining for her. However, she was consumed by how much they liked the house they eventually bought. She was very consumed with the notion of if she was good enough of a realtor for them or if she was failing in some way. It was especially important to her because it was her parents. It was almost like she's never worthy of her parents' approval.
I'm not sure what to do with all of this or what I can do. In my heart I want to reach out to her and ask her to tell me her story. I don't think I've ever heard her story. I just don't know if that would be a conversation she'd be willing to have, especially now with all the crap that's going on.
