Why was there no course map for this marathon?

[jbnati]

More thinkin' today while I'm working. Sometimes it just feels better to spew it out here on this MB.

Today I was thinking about why my W tends to never engage in deep conversations. So over the last several days I've been thinking of why. Did something really bad happen to her when she was growing up? She just has seemed to withold feelings, and I think I'm just now realizing it.

She has also suffered from low self-esteem. She's always seeking approval from others. She is devastated by any kind of rejection. She really likes to be affirmed by others. That being said, I've recognized this, but she's seemed to brush off my compliments and affirmation.

I can remember a couple years ago she was her parents realtor when they were moving back to Ohio. It was emotionally draining for her. However, she was consumed by how much they liked the house they eventually bought. She was very consumed with the notion of if she was good enough of a realtor for them or if she was failing in some way. It was especially important to her because it was her parents. It was almost like she's never worthy of her parents' approval.

I'm not sure what to do with all of this or what I can do. In my heart I want to reach out to her and ask her to tell me her story. I don't think I've ever heard her story. I just don't know if that would be a conversation she'd be willing to have, especially now with all the crap that's going on.

Just my random spewing for today.

[jbnati]

No contact with my W today.

I had a nice night with my S. We just had leftovers for dinner and played a card game after dinner. Then we went downstairs and played Wii for bit before bedtime.

Right now I think I'm just tired. I've been burning the candle at both ends for awhile. Sometimes I have days where I don't want to think about my situation at all, and today's one of them - or at least this evening. Just feeling a little flat tonight. I think the combination of being tired and taking off a day of exercise is contributing to this feeling.

[~¤DG¤~]

She has also suffered from low self-esteem. She's always seeking approval from others. She is devastated by any kind of rejection. She really likes to be affirmed by others. That being said, I've recognized this, but she's seemed to brush off my compliments and affirmation.

I'm pretty sure you just described me as well, but I'm working on it.

[jbnati]

DG, how do I work with that? Of course, right now she doesn't want my help, so it makes it even harder.

I'm sure I've done my share of damage, because I used to be a lot more critical and judgemental before I grew into accepting her for the beautiful person I know she really is inside (it's not who she's showing me right now, though)

[jbnati]

I've been on a pretty even keel today. Started the day with a 8.6 mi. ride. A little low level anxiety here and there. Just staying busy with work. I did have a little rift between my S and I this morning. He didn't want to make his bed and brush his teeth before school. I have a bad habit of internally blaming my W for the times where he resists doing what I tell him to, as I know she doesn't give him as much responsibility as I do.

My S will be staying with my W tonight. I may or may not see her tonight. If I do, it's likely it will be a very short period of time. That is, unless the fan gets bogged down with a smelly, nasty substance. I have started going to a Men's group at church based on the Courageous movie.

I have taken the day off of work tomorrow. I am planning on taking a long bike ride and eating lunch with my S at school. He gets out of school 90 min. early tomorrow, too, so I am dreaming up some GAL activities.

[~¤DG¤~]

[Quote)DG, how do I work with that? ? [/quote]

The thing is JB, you can't.
This is something only I (she) can work through.
It's so easy to try to say the right thing, or act the right way, but when it comes down to it, she needs to turn inward to work through it.

I was telling my C that I used to have to get everyone's opinion on how to do or say certain things, even if I disagreed with their opinion.

Is your W in counseling JB?

[jbnati]

DG, I know you're right. Thanks so much for the reply - I thought about it afterward and I didn't mean to put that on your shoulders, if you felt that way. I just wish I could do something to help her. I wished that even before bomb #2.

Is your W in counseling JB?

No, she's not. I believe she thinks she doesn't need it. She's taking very low dosage ADs (I found out it was very low dosage after bomb #2) I just hope and pray she gets help whether or not we get back together. It's such a waste for her to feel like this if she doesn't have to.

[jbnati]

I had a brief interaction with my W today when she came to pick up my S. I asked her how she was and she said good...well OK. I've mentioned her dysfunctional friend (3 kids, multiple fathers, marital history unknown or non-existent) before. She got my W with the apartment property management company she's working for. My W has worked there 2.5 weeks now and her and her F had a falling out today. I guess my W quit her job and now she's working there again now.

She was taking my S to Cub Scouts tonight and was going to go out for dinner and actually invited me to come along. I thanked her for inviting me but ultimately declined. It was 6:30 and I had to be at my Men's group by 7:00. It just would've been too stressful and she understood.

My Men's group tonight was fantastic! It is shaping up to be just an unbelievable group of guys I'm meeting with at my church. My support group is expanding more. We're doing the study to accompany the Courageous movie. It also seems like I just keep getting more and more connected. Two of the guys in the group are from my softball team, one of them worked the VBS, and one's on the worship team.

My W texts when I was still at group and asked if I would mind she brought S by at 8:00 to get on the bus for school since he told her I'm off work tomorrow. She said she wanted to get to work early because of the "fight" she had with F. I waited about 45 min - 1 hr. until I was in the car to go home and texted her back. I told her I could juggle some things around tomorrow I had going on and ultimately agreed to it.

That's been my evening. <--yeah, that's right! All of those!

[NTX_Dad]

jb - the dinner invite is interesting. Y'all haven't eaten together as a family in a while, correct? I wonder if she was feeling down and needed a friend, or if was a subconscious softening of her stance on the sitch.

Something else stuck me in your last post that resonated with me. My W has mentioned 2-3 times over the past two weeks that she's not happy with her career choice and wants to improve herself go to school so that she can make changes.

I am thinking it's a trait of the WAS... that they just aren't happy over all and don't know why. Martial relationship and career are really two of the basic building blocks of a person's soul. If they are having difficulty in both of these areas, its probably a result of some deep down confusion.

[jbnati]

NTX, I agree - the dinner invite is interesting. I'm not trying to make anything of it. but we haven't eaten together as a family at all since July. You could be right. She did have a rough day and may have just wanted someone to listen. It seemed like it may have been out of convenience, too. All right, no speculating.

She is tending to follow the WAS pattern. I've been thinking this for awhile - I don't think she understands how to make herself happy. She errantly relies on circumstances and other people for happiness. Maybe she'll wake up one day. If she doesn't, I think she will be very sorry.