My S and I will come up with projects to do together, like fixing up the old car and putting a new floor in the bathroom. He gets a little lazy at times and doesn't feel like helping me with stuff, but when it comes to those projects, he jumps right in. Yeah, if we did the driveway, he would have to do much of the work. Weather-wise here, it's cloudy, no more rain, and starting to warm up into the low 70's. This in between weather is a pain, because you never know if it's going to be cold or warm. And I want to wear my sweaters!
If your H decided he wanted to come back to you, he would figure out what to do. The ow can get her own place. Who cares as long as she would be gone? My H is as stubborn as a mule, too, but he can do what needs to be done. Rather than think he will come back after MIL is dead, why not make some contact now, with H and MIL? Put yourself back into H's life. It may be uncomfortable for you and him at first, but keep on. A bit of discomfort to be traded for possible happiness in the end will be worth it. And if it doesn't work out and you end up D, anyway, you will know you tried your best.
About the other thing I asked you about; what you feel your H has gotten into that is evil and dark; could you tell me what it is you think he is doing?
And about the statement about your H being adopted, and his and his mother's love being dysfunctional but not sexual, what do you mean? My F, after one divorce after another would go live with his M, my GM. I had an aunt, who was very self-righteous, who would refuse to go into the house, instead shouting from outside that evil was going on inside. My big sis told me she thought our aunt believed it was sexual or something. It takes a real nasty mind to come up with that. My F loved his M and was the youngest child, so their R was special. My H goes to his M's EVERY day now that FIL is gone. He does her errands, fixes things around her house, listens to her stories. I encourage him to take her to lunch when he takes her to the doctor. I am not jealous of my MIL. I know one day she will be gone, and I wouldn't want him to feel I resented his R with her.
