Saving the M and caring for a baby

[25yearsmlc]

I see no reason for my h to know that I dated while we were sep and or that I actually enjoyed some of the dates but I came away mostly feeling that h was the best man for me.

I think What matters is what I learned, not how I learned it.

I didn't sleep with anyone and whatever h did in the time we were apart, is not of my concern.

But suppose...suppose that I had slept with OM and learned that most OMs are horrible in bed and that h was the best lover around? Do you think I'd need to tell him "how" i learned how great a lover he was, or could I just assure him that he is a great lover? I feel it's the lesson learned, not the method of learning it.

And for some people, the presumed "need to know" sure does backfire.

Besides, when we reconciled, we re-committed "from this day forward",

and the one thing I KNOW about forgiveness, is that it means letting go of the past.

I say Do whatever makes that letting go easier, not harder.


May, IF there is something your h could have done that is a true & certain dealbreaker for you, then ask away. I understand.

But be careful what you wish for.

I have learned to forgive, and it was a lengthy difficult process for me.

I had asked and asked a lot of "Why?s"...but For me, there were few "good answers" as to why the MLC happened.

A chunk of forgiveness was based on accepting that I would never understand most of it. Heck, h hardly understands...
so I stopped spending energy on questions without answers.


For me, any gory details would probably make it much harder to forgive.

But that's just me, and I don't want to project my experience onto yours, although I feel good about where h and I are now in our marriage and our lives.

I pass onto you what helped me/us, but it may not apply.

I also think your comment about his missing "ILY's" are very important. But again, did he say it much before all this?

Are you asking for something new, that he never gave before?

If not, if this was something he was comfortable expressing before, then I fail to see why you'd move home yet. Surely he can understand that, (or will?)

In any case May, I admire your whole 'dig deep' approach to this.

You're a brave strong woman. Keep on keeping on...