My pleasure, it's easy to get down on yourself and feel that this is your fault -- it's not. Your H made the choice to break his marriage vows, that reflects poorly on him, not you.

One thing I read is that it's typical for the betrayed spouse to feel guilty, that the relationship problems are their fault and that they pushed the other person away. That's not true, there may have been things broken in your relationship, but you both had a hand in that, not just you. Whatever negative behaviors you exhibited were a response to your needs not being met, or to defend yourself from hurt. If your H was a warm, loving husband who took the time to connect with you and support you, would you still have exhibited negative behaviors? No. Unfortunately your negative response provokes a negative response from your spouse, and that creates a self-feeding cycle that's hard to break out of.

Self improvement is not about fixing your deficiencies, it's about getting in touch with your needs, what motivates you, what motivates your spouse, and how to prevent or break out of those negative cycles in the future. It's a learning process just like the CPA degree.

You will get through this with or without H. The folks on this board have gone through the same types of experiences and are here to support you. Keep journaling, it helps!

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015