YBR I understand what you are saying [-and I think I know who you are! ] I do not think that anyone just pretends that the marriage didn't mean anything . . of course not, but I have noticed that those who reconcile within a two to three year period look at MLC through a slightly different lens than those of us who have gone the full 5 miles.
I am not saying worse or better, just different. I think if my h had decided to come home three years ago, I would be writing different posts. Yes, we have probably focused too much on their MLC, but when something blindsides you it is hard not to think 'why' for quite a while.
I am not saying that this is necessarily the best thing to do, but it is wholly understandable, and maybe even necessary.
As Valeria has pointed out - 6+ years out of a child's life, even an adult one, is a very long time. Especially with little or no contact. My xh also does not understand why his children are not interested in seeing him, and don't send him birthday or Christmas gifts. He ran off and left them, and now he wants back into their lives. The sheer length of time makes it hard.
Some MLcers stay in contact with their kids, but when they don't the rebuilding is extremely difficult.
