He can't have gluten or sugar, etc. But he's a mess right now - severe eczema diarreha, allergies, going to bed at 3 am. I've witnessed this before in him. He's in "manic" mode. (avoiding feelings) - I don't know how real any of this is for him right now. He's like most guys I've dated (I'm not going to say all men are like this) but he isn't thinking ahead - like what this separate means over the long haul. I can see he doesn't think about raising a kid - where she'll live, what community, where she may go to school, what values we'll teach her, traditions, etc. He's like "Tomorrow we have what class?"
And I'm more like, What will she remember about Christmas? What community can we live in so we can really be a part of it? (Right now, I like where we are - but nothing is available in my price range).
I don't mean to put exBF down. I'm just observing - he still hasn't told his family. He doesn't work during the day so he can move, etc. then he works until 3 am. and is up with D by 7:30-8 He gets this way when he is avoiding and overwhelmed. It just makes sense that we're in different places - like I'm finally facing the reality of this and it's been so hard. Although, I guess I'm starting to really see myself moving on.
The hardest is when the three of us are together and D is giddy and happy and having us each hold her hand, etc. It's also been hard interacting with his family and not saying anything to them. He's been moved out for two months! I feel really dumb, but I also don't want to be - nor think I should be - the one to tell them.
While I'm considering dropping out of the coaching program and talking to someone about it this morning, I'm also realizing how much it is teaching me - about boundaries and anger and emotions and stuff that I think will help me in raising D. My mother encouraged me to stay in it. IDK. I feel like this is going to be a gap year for D and that horrifies me.
And I'm feeling guilty about the weaning. Like I did it so fast and she is still asking me and seemingly confused. I feel guilty I didn't give it the time it deserved but the last two weeks have been utterly insane.
