When XH left unexpectedly in August 2005, I was blind-sided. It was a sucker punch that devastated me and took a long, long time to recover. I went through a painful grieving period (like most people on this board) and thought that death was preferable to living. Gradually I recovered and was able to move forward.
OTOH, XH went directly from our M to a crazy affair with OW which lasted 6 years. I think he had moments of grieving for the loss of home and family but the OW was always there to divert his grief. .
Now, 6+ years later, OW is gone and he is alone. He is going through the stages of grieving that I went through in 2005-06. He also has the added burden of looking himself in the mirror each day and realizing the devastation he caused to his family
(Although he denies it, and claims that he is relieved that the A is over, he is probably grieving the end of that R as well)
XH is carrying around a load of guilt. I think if he cannot come home NOW and pretend that the past several years never happened, he will move on to find someone else to distract him from the pain and loss.
I hope I'm wrong. I hope he can go through the period of mourning and soul-searching that will make him a better man. But comments he has made to me on the phone (like.. he doesn't understand why our son doesn't call him), lets me know that he doesn't get it yet. It's up to H to call our son (not the other way around) and express a sincere apology and remorse for the pain he has caused.
I went through the long period of soul-searching and became a better person. Now it's H's turn. I hope he can do it.
