Classic textbook WAW situation... just still waiting for the actual walking away... I know she has the "it's time for the next step" letter on her night stand and is waiting for the opportune time to present it to me (she doesn't know that I know it's there)... it was on my night stand last night (she doesn't know that I know she put it there - I ignored it), and then she must have had 2nd thoughts. Anyway, my burning question is; if she's the one walking away, what if her expectation is that I'm the one who moves out? Is it unreasonable for me, while keeping the 4 Cs in mind, to expect her to be the one who moves? Which leads to the next questions... if she says, you're right, and the kids will come with her (17-D, 15-S, 11-D), should that be acceptable? As a L, (&maybe as a woman too--so a bit of bias might be at play) NOT in the way you seem to be suggesting...
--if you go into court to decide who leaves, and the kids all want to be with her and you are gainfully employed/employable, and you two decide one of you has to leave the house...
the court will NOT look kindly at you for forcing your whole family out of the home b/c you don't want to leave... b/c saying "your honor, SHE'S the one who wants out"...is punitive sounding.
Your saying THEY should all rent an apartment somewhere while you wander around empty rooms? That ends up costing more actually...and you'll look like a jerk to them, imo.
And that makes it seem like you are why she wants out.
I know you say you want to save the m but what I'm hearing is you want to keep the house and property and cut her loose/teach her and THEM a lesson,and who needs whom... and I'm not hearing much about your work on YOUR end
What are YOUR 180s exactly? What are her SPECIFIC complaints?
Is there another thread of yours, b/c this one is pretty sparse on important details...like what your role is in this?
THe whole "generic mutual grew apart" thing isn't ringing true to me b/c all the kids want to stay with her AND she wants out despite the fears 99% of SAHM's have...I mean she must really want out.
If there's no OM, then what's up with you guys?
Dig deep, and be brave when you do.
Finally, since I know about the letter, would the ultimate 180 be to compassionately tell her I've been doing a lot of thinking and we don't seem to be making the progress she would like and perhaps she is right, we should try a separation, what can I do to help with your move? Sounds like a huge risk, the "after the last resort" technique… ANY HELP AND SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED.
H (me): 43, W: 41 D17, S15, D11 T: 22 M: 20 in December 2011 ILYBNILWU: 8/11 LRT
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
