I understand why people post that they are 'sorry' for the wasted time. But to me that is another filter, another form of pointless regret. Grief and loss take time to heal from. We would be less, as people, if after a few months we said, 'Well that is over, on with life'.
YBR's h came back and I have noticed that those who reconciled are more likely, on these boards, to tell us not to 'waste' time on regrets. But that to me is another filter too. I wish I hadn't taken so long to recover, but it took a long time to come to terms with what happened. I worked on feeling better, and eventually I did. But I loved very deeply and for a long time, and that takes time to deal with.
Interestingly studies have shown that widows [after long and happy marriages] usually grieve longer than men.
I am not glamorizing grieving, just recognising it as a necessary process on the road to moving forward, and one that helps us to explore our inner selves. I suspect that not grieving the loss fully [and that is why I raised the issue of those who have reconciled after a couple of years - it is different for them in that ultimately the marriage was restored] will lead to problems further along. It is OK to be sad, and to grow through that. Clearly it is not a place to be stuck in. It wasn't until I faced the depths of my grief that I could really more forward into the place where I am now.
Valeria, like me, has been on her own a long time, and come fully to terms with the loss. Getting back together now would be harder, not simply because of the passage of time, but because we have fully accepted our loss. After a couple of years you haven't, even if you think you have. At least that is my 2 c. I am not denigrating being happy, getting a life, and helping yourself. All wonderful, all necessary, all good. But working through it all takes time, for most of us.
