W is moving out.....life goes on...

[25yearsmlc]

re whether you need the sep or if it'll breed more separation...

look at the reality of NOW...which is
a lot of tension and stress and unproductive R talks and obnoxious texting and her "dreaming of OW" --

all of which are NOT conducive to your healing OR her seeing you in a new way.

Some space might be.

Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or go wander?

Obviously it depends.

But you don't have much choice in this my friend,

so whatever hand you get dealt, you have to play it well.

Have you really considered my own sitch-the signature block? We were apart, although there were visits, for 2 YEARS....after 25 y/o of marriage. (Just had our 30th )

I found that the sep at first lowered the tension right away. H missed us more than I realized and when you have your time with s4, she will too.

I was able to express myself and CHANGE without him seeing me under what I felt was a microscope. I could not do that with him there, for whatever reason.

Later...I met OMs and for the most part, felt that the old H I had, was better suited for me. Nothing serious happened. But the good news was that I found myself at least attracted to and attractive to OMs and eventually I felt a connection with 1-2, but

the better news was that I really felt more committed to working things out with H if the chance arose. So I'd be fine either way. Do you get that? My choice of h was mostly confirmed...unless he was going to stay MLCing forever, in which case I knew I had options. And those options did not sukk...

My point is that OM/OWs are not always the death knell for a m. Sometimes we end up validating our original choice.

Your w has not had the chance to discover the flaws in OW (but your pointing them out DELAYS her discoveries...it does NOT speed things up for you. PLEASE...here's free legal advice I give to ALL prospective clients when arrested...SHUT UP!!

I'm positive of that.

Please say nothing of her to your w.

I know I know, it'll come up... and if you feel FORCED and or it's spewing out of you--- then at least make the comments about s4...and confess that you are "not the most objective person to comment about OW, but..." and stress something stable for HIM and your r with him.

Val's suggestion about a texting boundary is a good one. I'd probably handle it with some bemused incredulity b/c she's so rebellious right now, like she IS acting rude and adolescent...You could say something like

"Excuse me (feign shock) "but are you texting her WHILE we are talking about our r, or our son? Really? That seems "appropriate" to you? That behavior shows common courtesy and respect and compassion? WOW

I guess We really are living on different planes..." (nice nod to OW"s higher plane...)

and YOU walk out of the room. Tell her you two can talk when she can focus for 15 minutes on the son you have together and his future...

and btw, I would not have a conversation last more than 15 minutes ( as you have to process whatever just got shared)

don't keep it going any longer- unless it's going clearly unambiguously well....

Make sense?

((( )))