Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - Good Stuff

[Valeska19]

Thanks JB. I do need to remember to applaud myself and remember all the good changes.. and to be thankful for this opportunity to grow. I've been trying to stay in my hurt/anger phase as I have been avoiding it. However I acknowledge it is part of the process, so I'm trying not to run from it. Honestly, It has gotten me down a bit.

Thanks Rick for the reminder and you're absolutely right. We are good people. I'm so glad your D is in counseling. It's a smart move.

Journaling...

Things have been moving in a positive way the past 48 hrs. I'm starting back to work. I took off quite a bit of time as I was very distracted and had a hard time doing my job 100%.

I booked two more Disney commercials so I must have done a good job back in August. I'm budgeting a 3D movie and I am GALing the sh!t out of my weekend working with a director who was in "I am Legend".

Heard good news from my sister. She's finally getting all of her kids under one roof. Her eldest daughter, who is 16, told my sis she wanted to come home. Talk about 11 yrs of prayers finally answered.

Not much happening on the D front. Pushing 2nd mediation to November most likely due to schedule conflicts. It's been a week and I've come to realize that I will not be able to rush this. One day, I want to fight w like hell for what is fair to me, the next I just want it to be over with and give in to her demands. She may want to end things quickly, but honestly.. I do need time to think about stuff. I refuse to not take the time to look inward when it comes to big decisions such as these.

The only thing that I can really move forward on is getting my own health insurance. She may not have meant it this way, but I am very uncomfortable with the fact that she said "she could have taken it away from me at any time". Not to mention, that it hurt my feelings.

It still continues to surprise me with the stuff she does. I really do want to think the best of her but there have been too many times that she has come to a conclusion in her head and has acted on it regardless of how it financially affected me or us as a couple. So I can't risk this. I don't want to go to the hospital and find out my insurance is gone. I don't want to be made to feel bad that she took care of me (when it was her idea originally), or that this is financially hurting her. I know what my w makes and what her bills are.. my insurance doesn't hurt her unless she is p!ssing away her money.

But regardless of what is true or not true, I think getting my own insurance is a loving move for both of us. If I can afford it, than it protects me from all the possibilities my w could use against me and it's loving towards her by freeing up a couple hundred dollars a month.

We'll see what the insurance broker says. Hopefully this is one of the bazillion things I can cross off my list.