New and Suffering

[Accuray]

Thank you Captain, always appreciated! I guess there is a spectrum between a request and a veiled demand. On the one end is "I would like some ice cream". If I don't get it, I really don't care that much. On the other end is "I haven't had anything to drink in 2 days and you have a big glass of water, I would like half" -- that's really more of an expectation because if you don't get it, you're going to be disappointed and resentful.

I do get the sense that I made requests that are more toward the ice cream, but my wife interprets them as being more toward the water, and I'm not sure how to bridge that gap. When I tell her they are just requests, she tells me that no, they are expectations. To continue the analogy, she's saying "I'm inadequate because I haven't offered you the water already, and now you're just pretending you'll be OK without it".

It's very frustrating because I'm never able to convince her it's an ice cream request. On the other end, when I DO want the water, she often won't do that either. My point there is that I either have to learn to live with my thirst, badger her until she gives me the water, or find another way not to feel thirsty, and the asking again usually doesn't work, and just makes things worse.

I just really am having a hard time figuring out how to navigate this one, although I do like the suggestion of telling my wife to say "yes, no, or counterpropose". She really never counter proposes either, that may be a good thing to try.

--Accuray