..he says when he looks at me he feels nothing, feels that if he is around me he will drink again and stated that he drank because of me. after 18 yrs of marriage and 2 yrs waiting for him to come around, is unbelievably painfull.
He knew that projection would be profoundly painful, were you to internalize it, when he said it.
If I blame anything or anyone, other than the simple fact that I want(ed) to.. re: my own drunkeness, or drug addiction, I'm fos. Frankly. Stinkin' thinkin' we call it.
He sounds like he's on a "dry drunk".. that is to say, whichever is his own personal internal dialog that only he really knows, but has consistently showed in the pattern of his alcoholism/addiction... it's a global thing.. we (addicts/alcoholics) all have to form some irrational rationale, so to speak, before we get started (drunk/loaded), because it really is a certain sort of madness.
He's projecting that on you.
Be encouraged though. This too will pass. But, be cognizant of the fact that the processes affecting his thinking are also related to his addiction. Even if he is "sober."
Most likely, one part of him wants to get high/loaded whatever, and the other side doesn't. Gain an overview that allows you to see how he is actually fighting with himself.. you needn't suffer cheap shots in that either. He's a man, he knows this stuff.
