Valeria, I get it. And I totally agree with what was said. I'm asking the questions however.
One that jumps up is the striking similarity to your xh and my xw. Impatience. Wanting things right now. Inability to delay gratification.
I think you are right that you are not willing "at any cost" to jump into a relationship with xh. I think you are very much grounded in that approach. I also think that for ANY relationship to work, B makes a good point that he has to work at it - the same as any.
Watching and waiting (to some degree) is the best approach.
I think that to expect him to "get it" all at once or to show he gets it would take time. Both would. Until that point, having a relationship really isn't possible IMHO.
I think that's a common theme.
I think Yellowbrick road has it right as well. Don't waste any more time worrying about it. You'll look back and be sorry for that wasted time at some point. That's part of the journey as well.
There was a lot of damage caused. There was. No getting around it. But one way or another we as the LBS have to let that go at some point. We don't have to let them continue that behavior and we don't have to be waiting around while they "figure it out" or otherwise change their minds. They may not and may just be acting out of habit in some ways.
To me the best approach is to let it all go and live. Live in a way I can like me and in a way that is good for me. Live in a way that when I do look back, I like me and have no regrets.
To date, I have very few and none of them around my xw. Most of my regrets have to do with how I perceive things and how slow I can be to see things for how they really are. I interpret events based on my filters and not always how things really are.
Not sorry, just that I see room for improvement.
Hang in there and live your life. If he wants to pursue, you'll know and you can deal with it then, right?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
