I only have a couple of minutes as I'm sitting here in my local Starbucks, so I'll deal with the request issue, since it is actually the easiest to discuss.
A request is just that and there is not really anything for YOU to do with your own request, though it sounds like she wants you to do something different.
When one makes a request (and I do mean request, not an order or demand, or ultimatum) AND it's a request without expectations (somethings she's emphasized. That's not to say that you don't have some expectation around a request AND whatever she chooses must be "okay" for it to be a request with no expectation), there are three and only three choices avalable to HER.
First, to say "yes" to accept and honor the request.
The second is to counteroffer. This is a way of declining and offereing something else related to your original request(which now puts the three choices back on you and you can offer a counter to her counteroffer).
The third choice is to decline (without any counteroffer) as an outright "no."
The problem seems to be that she makes your request mean something (about expectations) and then she makes you "wrong" for the meaning she applied to it. She likely has has a problem with saying no without making "no" mean something and then blaming you for that as well.
Is the problem that you asked (requested) or that she answered?
Something to think about.
The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
