I think I seriously just effed up big time. H came over to see the boys. He showed me some pictures of our boys playing with OW's son (he still claims they're nothing but friends). I told him that I don't care who he is seeing, or if he is seeing someone, but I wanted to make sure that he knows to keep any affection between them out of sight of our kids. The rest of the convo went something like this (it's kind of a blur):
H: Like I would tell you if I was seeing someone anyway - not that I'm ready. M: Why couldn't you talk to me? I don't have any control over who you see or what you do with your time. I know I have no say-so. H: Yeah, you have no control, but you'd flip out. M: No, I wouldn't. I have come to terms with the fact that if you're not already seeing someone, you probably will be soon. H: (playing around) I'd like to see that in writing. M: I'd like you to put it in writing for me too. H: Not a problem. And here's where I messed up - stupid game-playing. M: Good, because I'm going out Friday night. H: Really? With who? M: None of your business. H: Come on. What's his name? M: Why would I tell you that? H: Where'd you meet him? M: Why would any of this matter to you? H: Because if someone is going to be around our kids, I have the right to know who he is. M: I would never make the mistake of bringing someone new around our kids so early on. H: Just tell me who he is. M: Why does it matter so much? H: So I could tell everyone that I was right. M: Right about what?! H: That you're seeing someone.
I started crying. It hurt that he would tell people that I am seeing someone. How can he think for one second that I am rebounding? So, the truth came out that I was not actually seeing someone and that I was looking for a reaction from him. (I'm such a fool.)
H: You are so immature. Stop playing these stupid games with me. M: You're the one being immature. You think and tell other people that I am seeing another man. You just left a little over a month ago. Do you really think I would be in a place where I feel comfortable dating someone else? H: I would have been happy for you. M: I know. Someone told me that you said you "hope I fall in love with someone else quick, so I'll quit bugging you." H: (denial, denial, denial) H: Why couldn't you have come to me when you heard that? Isn't that something you would want to ask me, personally, about? M: Why on earth would I come to you? I can't trust you. All you ever do is lie. H: Lie about what?
I started walking away.
H: You think I cheated on you? M: Nope (kept walking away) H: Yeah. You've got nothing.
Tried to ignore him and he kept pushing me.
M: You lied about loving me. You said you haven't loved me in a long time, yet you told me all those months that you loved me. Hell, you told me up until a few hours that you bolted that you love me. Nothing but lies. All of it. H: I did love you. I tried to make it work, but you didn't try at all. (this pissed me off because I suggested marriage counseling on multiple occasions, and he always said no.)
He stormed out the door and took off.
What the heck am I supposed to do now? Do I say nothing? I want to apologize to him for playing games. I want to admit that I was just looking for his reaction and that his answer to why he wanted to know threw me for a loop. I didn't know how to handle it and things escalated way too quickly.
What's the proper DBing thing to do in this situation?
I just hate this. I feel like I had been doing so well. Guess that's what I get for playing games. Ugh.
