Compassion for a MLCer

[AJM]

Hmm.. For all you know, there is no OM and she is playing both at the same time while holed up in a McDonald's selling newspapers to underpriviledged readers.

As it was mentioned above, you can't win either way. I think you know that. I think you know she has taken that trip that only Rod Serling might be able to chart.

Keep venting amigo. Keep venting as needed.

Just keep in mind that at some point venting will keep you tied together and you'll have to give that up.

Stay focused on the kids. They need it.

And get some popcorn...gets to be more interesting if I guess correctly...

AJ

[broken5150]

Morning!

Last night I was at my best friends house celebrating his W bday.
His W is my W ex best friend. During the begining of our separation, X best friend tried to give advice to my W about what she was doing. W then accused her of betraying her and called her a horrible person and to go F off.

They havent spoken since. Close to a year now.

So it got to W last night that I was at there home celebrating. My W sends XBF a text telling her that she misses her and thinks about her allot and that she wanted to give her a bday gift.

XBF said WTF??? After almost a year???

XBF texted back saying no thanks... After all the horrible things W said to her???

NO WAY!

W then texted saying that she thought they were best friends and friends don't turn their backs on each other!

XBF then asks me, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER? IS SHE NUTS?

LOL! I said welcome to my world!

XBF texted back saying, take your own advice. Look what you've done to your H!

W said that XBF has no idea what its like to be in a abusive R for 20 years. Also, she's never been happier in her whole life.

XBF said she couldnt do this. It's just too bizzare! And to think that she doing all this to be with a 25 yr old hood rat.

XBF saw a pic of OM and said , hold on! I know that guy! Apparently, when they to a club one night , W introduced him. ( this was before the separation).

So, I think OM has been around for quite a while.

Now, I see the pattern.
Meet OM, separate, have fun, bring him defore the kids, bam! Ask for D.

[broken5150]

Happy Monday!



Well, I had a good weekend with the kids. Took them to a B-party and they got to hang out with all their friends which is something they really haven’t done in almost a year. W was always the first one to take them to these parties with a big smile and just as giddy as her kids were to join in on the festivities. Of course, not OM is in the picture and she doesn’t want to go because he broke his ankle and she is nursing him. (VOMIT) Also, I believe that she does feel some sort of shame. She’s been avoiding all contact with her former friends. She blames me for doing this because she claims I turned EVERYONE against her and tarnished her reputation.

During the middle of this festivities, I was having a wonderful time then I heard my phone go off.

W had texted me this message… Please note, I had not spoken or texted her all day on Saturday.

“U ruin my life!!! Im not with you and u are still ruining my life! Im depressed and cant stop crying. You are awful… Leave me alone”

I said to myself “Geesh, common already” I simply replied “sorry you feel that way”.

I really don’t have the desire or energy to feed into her madness anymore.

I think Im in a real good place right now. All her threats, name calling, venom spewing and projections are really just bouncing off right now.


Well Sunday morning came and I went to pick the kids for church. Of course, she had an excuse and they weren’t ready to go. She said to please pick them up later after church.

So, I did. When I got there, she texted “ OM is making French toast. He would like to know if you would like some.”

I just about fell out of my car laughing.

Two of my kids came out and my oldest said he didn’t want to come along. I later found out that he went with W and OM to watch OM get tattooed.

It seems like she is desperately trying to get my oldest son and OM to bond.

My son is always asking me if its ok to be friends with OM. I tell him its fine. I don’t want my son to feel guilty or torn in half.

My babies are going through enough. That’s the only frustrating thing about this whole ordeal, W just doesn’t care. Its all about her.

Guys please view my previous post about what happened with W and ex BF. Let me know what you think.


Also, my question to visitors that have been posting here for some time is…


If a separation/divorce does not have MLC involved in it, would the spouses be acting like this at all?

And if it is MLC, what is it that’s going on with them in the brain? Is it carelessness or they have no control and cant see what’s going on?

[Queen_of_Swords]

If a separation/divorce does not have MLC involved in it, would the spouses be acting like this at all?

And if it is MLC, what is it that’s going on with them in the brain? Is it carelessness or they have no control and cant see what’s going on?

I can't speak to your first question because it appears my STBX is involved in an MLC and as you can see we've been separated for 2 years.


What's going on in their brain? Confusion. Conflict form their own thought processes, and total self involvement. They are totally reactive...which means they don't really think.
They're barely functional at work.

It's not deliberate.

[broken5150]

Thanks for your response, Queen.


Mach! You know I always look fwd to YOUR comments!


Even though it might be too late for some marriages, but do most MLC come to an end?

Ive been going nuts trying to find a thread from recovering MLC'ers.

[beatrice]

There was a poster here called 'Happy Again' who had a MLC. But I suspect that most of them do not want to revisit that period. Also apparently many forget what went on.

Some stay stuck, but from my observation, and I would stress that it is my pov, it is the older ones who are often more stuck. I think they have resisted the crisis longer, and get bogged down in it.

My h is gradually coming out of the MLC tunnel, and has completely forgotten many incidents, including email exchanges, and things he said. They do not usually want to revisit that time.

[Mach1]

There are a few here that have went through MLC.

One current poster is Spirit, I really enjoy his posts.

A former poster was AmyC....

Are you asking if I think your wife is MLC ?


Cause I'm not sure I am the right person to answer that one Sammy.

If it looks, smells, and tastes like MLC, then it probably is.

She certainly spews enough venom toward you. Most of it appears to be projection on her part, rewriting history....etc

As far as the rest ?

She seems to be reaching out once again, to what she once knew to be solid in her life. Testing the waters, to see who is "on her side" Pretty much following the MLC script there...

Many of them go through this to see what pieces of their "new" life can fit into the old life. But I think a lot of that , also, is to see what is going on with the LBS too.

Many of them reach out to old friends to see what they know or don't know. Sometimes they find that the old friends, that YOU stay in touch with, are used as a contact point, to check on you, to see what is going on in your life without "giving you false hope" , by talking to you directly.

The confusion that surrounds MLC is like nothing we could ever imagine. It is when rational becomes irrational, and irrational becomes rational.

There is a quest to sort out what they think their lives "should" look like at a certain stage, and that the one constant in their life, has turned into the reason they are unhappy. The truly believe that WE , because we have been so much a part of their life, are the reason they are miserable

Is it ? I think we can be a part of that...although it astounds me that we...have that much power over another human, capable of free will, yet choosing to not initiate that free will.

What you will find, and most here have found...

Is that when you stay true to you, and SHOW that you have heard, and are different in how you paint your picture to her....

That it angers her...GREATLY....

What you have noticed is, that she will try to push any button that she can on you, to manipulate you into being "that" person...

The one she needs you to be , in order to justify the "why" she had to leave you....

And when you are not that person, she is like a hungry carnivore, stuck in the produce department at Sweet Bay...



The best description of MLC I had, was from a former MLCer....

She told me that she had a baby, a beautiful baby boy, went to sleep, and when she awoke, he was Four years old.....

She looks at pictures from that time, and doesn't remember being there, even though she is in the picture.....


MLC or not Sammy.....

Don't cancel the rest of your tour, just because DLR is whacked out right now.....



OM is an idiot, and NOT the reason for this happening...

Smile when they are together, knowing that HE is the one who gets to be around her, when she is like this....not you.

Not focusing on her or anything, but it would appear that they may be fizzling out a bit, and looking toward you, to be the reason they are fizzling.

Don't give her that....

[broken5150]

Thanks for your great replies!


This thing HAS to be an MLC. I know my REAL W and she would of never done anything like this. And for her to chose this OM shows that shes not in her right mind. She always set a high standard for herself and family.

She is trying really hard to get my kids to like this guy. During the whole separation, she was telling me a “ Are you nuts? I don’t want another man! Are you kidding me? To get out of a miserable relationship with you and then to jump into another one? HELL NO! Im doing ME now! I have to find myself and heal from 20 years of an abusive relationship!”

OM is a ghetto rat. The dude cant talk, write or even walk correctly. What do you expect from a 25 yr old punk that gets involved with a woman pushing 40 with 3 kids? And here the funny thing.. One of her complaints about me is that I played too much Xbox with my son. Guess what OM is doing in the house now??? Playing Xbox all day with my son! Lol. He likes sports just like me, movies just like me, and gaming just like me. Has tattoos just like me, more or less the same body type but, he’s a low life.

Its like when Ozzy Osbourne got rid of Zakk Wylde to put this new guy in his band! He plays and sounds JUST LIKE ZAKK!

I have read an article that MLC’rs OM/OW sometimes mirrors the LBS. They are just a cheaper version of them. They are someone that the MLC’er can control.

Well, yesterday, I got the news that OM was not the first. He was actually OM #3! Friends and family are coming out and telling me things that have been going on for a while. They knew this info from the beginning but they knew that I was not ready to hear it.

I’ve finally accepted what going on and believe me friends, once you accept it and understand it, the easier it becomes to GAL.

Every insult, text or verbal lashing I get now, just bounces off. Yesterday was very quiet. I heard nothing from W. Of course she is trying to put fear in me after she threatened that she was going to come after me and take me for everything that Ive got! LOL.

Ive been spending allot of quality time with the kids and church members. Its funny how God works. And, its AMAZING how in the midst of all this chaos, He does and WILL give you peace.

I challenge all LBS’s that during an episode of anger, grief or sadness to drop and pray for peace. IT WILL COME! It has happened to me all the time.

“And when the oceans rage, I don’t have to be afraid. Because I know that you love me. YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS!”

On the brighter side of things…

I get a call from one of my good friends from church. He asked me to give him a hand in moving a 40 inch tv from his apartment (on the 3rd floor with no elevator) down to his truck.

But of course he would call me to do this! 6’1 240 lb and handsome?!? Why not???

So I said SURE! A 40” flat screen? Those things are pretty light! I’ll be right over!

I go into his apt and what do I see??? The only freaking 40” TUBE TV ever created by Mitsubishi!

That Bas#&$rd!

That thing was a MONSTER! I cant believe that back in the day we would go CRAZY to get one of these things!

So after sobbing and crying like a little baby for about a half hour, we brought that thing down stairs. Remember, 3 floors, NO ELEVATOR!

My buddy is a real small , thin guy. Kind of looks like a horse jockey.

I could of sworn that while we were carrying that TV downstairs, that he actually leaned on it due to exhaustion and I carried the both of them.

Gotta love Gods humor!

Have a good one everybody!

[yellowbrickroad]

There is no need to put any emphasis on the other person.
They too are being duped by your MLC'er.
They only know what they have been told and most of that is a lie.
Unfortunately MLC'ers affair down, which is why they usually end up with ghetto trash.
No need to fill your head with any more nonsense, just let the MLC ride itself out and get on with your own life.
She will know where to find you when the time is right.

[broken5150]

OMG!

Just when I thought I saw it all! The two love birds got matching tattoos!

Really???