RSGG, The only thing that really keeps me going through all of this is the feeling that these experiences are all so patterned.
In your last post, I see a replica of my own situation. My H told me he sees little or no hope of reconciliation, he can't see that things can ever get any better, he loves me but... That I've been so angry, critical and called him names (adulterer) that he can't get over. And part of me agrees with him, but I just want to scream at him to get over it, act like a proper husband and father, and get on with making our life better. And I can't understand why he wouldn't want to.
But yes, in answer to your question, there is hope for our marriages. We can see it in the pattern of other people's experiences going through this ghastly stage of life. And I can see it even from day to day in my own situation.
Things with my H have gotten SO much better since I started trying to follow the DB principles. Granted it's not changing my overall situation as fast as I'd like (I'm heading into my third month of this now), but H is MUCH less angry with me, is coming over daily, offering to help out with chores and errands, talking and sharing things in his life with me more.
And I should say that I don't know whether he's re-started his A. I suspect he may have, but I really don't think it matters much to my goal of trying to get him to come back to our marriage (I never thought I'd be the sort of person who would say this). All I can do is show him what a better life with me would look like (as 25mlc says: "from this day forward").
So, the short answer is that DB does work in our situations. The evidence is there. DB is a targeted plan to deal with a highly patterned set of behaviours on the part of the WAH.
The hardest part of it all, for me, is the time and patience needed. Like you, I struggle every day with wondering what is going on, where my life went, and why H would continue to choose to be away from me and the kids (and I just can't fathom how he can bear to put them through this or be away from them like he is) when things seem to be going so well.
But, people keep telling me that it takes more time and more patience than could ever be imagined, and this is the knowledge that keeps me going. I do feel pretty hopeless from time to time, but I also know that I feel pretty good about things at other times. So, time and patience should take care of those ups and downs and, in the meantime, my goal is to keep the road home paved and smooth.
