I had a good time at the reception but hit a point where I was alone. I looked up and everyone was slow dancing. All the girls in the wedding had boyfriends that were there. I was literally sitting at a table by myself being flooded with emotion. I went and grabbed my friend's two year old and picked her up and was dancing around with her for a minute but it eventually came right back. I went outside to let a few tears fall out of everyone's sight and just became increasingly uncomfortable whenever the slow songs were played. My two best friends (the one who got married and another that was in the wedding) both know me well enough to know I was having a tough time. One of them told me to remember that everything happens for a reason and I know he's right. I did everything I could to stay up beat. I think I looked pretty good in my tux but as the night wore on all the love in the air was suffocating me.
I hear you on this one. I declined the invitation to go to a wedding a few months back because it would just be too much. Also, I find that hundreds of things in the day act as triggers to remind me of the pain. Have you ever been aware just how many songs on the radio are about break-ups or unrequited love? Sheesh. I was even watching "Shrek Forever After" the other day with my little sister and my nephew and found that the lovey-dovey stuff in that movie depressed me.
Originally Posted By: MTS
I was also informed by a seemingly out of the loop former teammate of mine that my W was actually with OM a few days before our anniversary and is supposed to be with him again this week. My teammate thought he was making me aware of the first incident and has no idea how long this has been going on. That made me feel some kind of way. What's been the point of my W contacting me on our anniversary if just days before she was with OM? I've been doing my best to keep what they do out of my mind but I can't lie and say hearing that didn't kind of piss me off.
My guess is that maybe she felt guilty about what she had done and was reaching out. Or maybe after spending more time with OM, she might have further realized what she was missing out on. Then again, these are only guesses.
I have found that one of the most helpful things to do when dealing with a WAS is try not to analyze their behavior or words too much. What they do and say really makes no sense a lot of the time. In fact, they probably can't make much of themselves, either. Best to let them spin away and figure it out for themselves.
Gah... Shrek! Seriously... the first weekend after my W dropped the bomb I was home with our S. He picks out... Shrek 2. The opening credits, with Shrek and Fiona on their honeymoon and the end scene with Shrek attacking the castle just about did me in!
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
MTS. it sounds like your weekend was kind of a mixed bag. I find myself praying for couples anymore that they don't have to go through the same things we're all going through. Just focus on how much you've grown through all this and you definitely have! Keep up the GAL'ing. Try not to think too much about the upcoming mediation. Remember, the first mediation session is not necessarily the end and you never know what can happen.
try to see the mediation as an opportunity too. It is one of many to come, but it's a biggie.
Know what I mean?
Hang in there
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I hear you on this one. I declined the invitation to go to a wedding a few months back because it would just be too much.
I was in this wedding and agreed to be in it long before any of this started so I couldn't back out. I'm in another one next month and actually going to another next month as well. Gonna have to face it at some point or another so I figure I make as well take my lumps now.
Originally Posted By: westcoastfella
My guess is that maybe she felt guilty about what she had done and was reaching out. Or maybe after spending more time with OM, she might have further realized what she was missing out on. Then again, these are only guesses.
I really have no clue still. It is what it is at this point. Can't figure it out or waste time trying to really.
Originally Posted By: westcoastfella
I have found that one of the most helpful things to do when dealing with a WAS is try not to analyze their behavior or words too much. What they do and say really makes no sense a lot of the time. In fact, they probably can't make much of themselves, either. Best to let them spin away and figure it out for themselves.
Yet another thing I know to be true but just struggle to let go of it. Thanks for your continued encouragement and support.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
MTS. it sounds like your weekend was kind of a mixed bag. I find myself praying for couples anymore that they don't have to go through the same things we're all going through. Just focus on how much you've grown through all this and you definitely have! Keep up the GAL'ing. Try not to think too much about the upcoming mediation. Remember, the first mediation session is not necessarily the end and you never know what can happen.
Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.
DEFINITELY a mixed bag. Had some great moments but some really low ones as well...which I expected but still having a rough go of it. I'm going to keep on GAL'ing away. I have an exam tonight and then I'm going to meet up with a friend for a late dinner.
Tomorrow is Bible Study and a massage in the evening. My mother will be in town for a convention so I'll meet up with her a couple times this week as well. I really want to participate in Race for the Cure on Saturday but I probably won't have an opportunity to do so because of school. Have some REALLY positive stuff to look towards but the biggest downer being I have to focus on my D more than I'd like. Interrogatories are due on Friday and I have to list anyone that has knowledge of my sitch and how they do. This includes "her people" and "my people." My L said this is all standard and that while you may never use any of the info you have to include everything in case it goes to trial. If it does, you can't go back and add people you didn't include in the original interrogatories. Not looking forward to this aspect of things. Just makes you feel gross.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
try to see the mediation as an opportunity too. It is one of many to come, but it's a biggie.
Know what I mean?
Hang in there
((( )))
I'm definitely trying to look at it as that. I do wonder though how to go about it. For example, since we aren't in the same room, will I ever even get to see her? What can I convey to the mediator to take advantage of the opportunity? Since mediation is essentially us talking about and trying to divide up our stuff and dissolve the marriage, what can I do to not look like the old MTS, display the improved MTS but still give off a vibe of willing to reconcile?
I fully recognize that mediation may be just that and that this thing could be on it's way to being over next week. That being said, there's the other side of that coin too. Just want to take advantage of the opportunity but not really sure how to go about doing so in many respects given the sheer nature of the legality of things.
It's frustrating because on one hand I have to "protect" myself from the worst possible outcome but I still want to do my best not to shut the door on the possibility of us working it out.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
I took my exam last night and then met up with a friend for dinner. We had a good conversation and it allowed me just enjoy the company of another person.
I read this this morning in a devotional and couldn't help but realize this is how I and many others probably feel...it's basically a prayer about anger:
Lord God, I am hurt, angry, and confused. I don't like this feeling of worthlessness and rejection. I know You are the God of peace. Teach me how to accept and assimilate that inner peace. It seems so far away sometimes. Amen.
When it comes down to it, that's how I feel. When anyone talks to me about the situation they ask what happened or will say there has got to be more to it...what "pushed" her there. I don't have an answer for any of that. At the end of the day, I just know what choices she's made and that as much as I want to analyze things in my past I can't take credit for her choices. I'm going to start praying that prayer throughout the day because that's what I'm fighting now is my frustration of being left behind.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
