It may help to read "Love Must Be Tough" by Dobson. Warning: the book is dated, and has some opinions about homosexuality that some may find offensive, so take it with a grain of salt, but it DOES seem to have some things to consider given your situation.
The "180" refers to changing the way you approach your relationship. If you used to complain about something your H does, show support for it instead -- that kind of thing. The basic premise is what you used to do didn't work, so do something different, in many cases the opposite. This is how you *show* your spouse that things will be different (versus telling them things will be different, which they will not believe).
In terms of your thoughts above, what you are going through is horrible and inexcusable. You have a serial cheater on your hands. It would seem that your H is addicted the thrill of the pursuit. He likes to pursue women, and get them to love and adore him. Once he's there, it's no fun anymore to do the "work" on maintaining a relationship, so he's off to the next pursuit.
People in this mode will chase married women because they are in many cases "safe", they won't expect to move in right away, and won't take a lot of maintenance work.
Unfortunately, when he looks at you, he doesn't see a pursuit. He sees you saying "here I am, please come back to me, I want you back (and your actions hurt me but I'm willing to forgive you)"
Dealing with that doesn't look fun or interesting. That's what DB is about, changing that perspective.
By "Getting a Life" or GAL, you present to your H that you are having fun without him, and don't need him to supply your happiness. That takes pressure off him, and intrigues him about what you're up to.
By not pursuing and cutting back on communication, you create some mystery -- why aren't you pursuing? What are you up to? You need to make him interested in what's different about how you're behaving.
These things are very difficult to do, because they are the exact opposite of how you're feeling. Two things that anyone on this forum will tell you are that (1) pursuing won't work, it will have the opposite effect. Think of pursuing like "chasing". When people are chased they run. (2) begging makes you look needy, and needy is unattractive.
You can't talk him back, and you can't reason him back. You have to demonstrate with action, that you are worth pursuing, and worth hanging on to, and that is hard.
We're here for you, continue to post.
--Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
