Looking for the silver lining...

[AntoniaB]

IB, my 2 cents on this is that for me, (and you and I are on essentially the same timeline), I am really doing well and not missing him that much. I mean, I had 23 years with my XH. I loved him with an intensity that just made me think that I'd give up anything for him. And yet, it's 500 days since he dropped the bomb on Oct. 25, and I'm feeling very detached from those feelings anymore. I'm even detached from missing him at this point.

The only thing I can chalk this up to is that I've done so much to establish an entirely new life with new friends, acquaintances and close friends, and new interests, and I'm sort of constantly discovering new interests and I'm kind of interested in anything someone else recommends (simple example but in my "old" life I hated all "old" movies, and now I'm actually watching things a good friend recommends and discussing the merits with her...). I don't know, I mean, I love him very much and always will, or I love the "him" that I once knew...but I also really love the new me, and I guess I'm just so different from the old me that I'm not feeling so pulled back into missing him, because "old" me misses him most.

So you know, maybe this is something that will just change for you with time, but I guess if you do feel stuck, it can never hurt to make an even greater effort to try things or form friendships that are ALL NEW, that have no connection to him. Maybe then your life will be more filled with things that are not reminders of him and that past life.

I almost never talk about the divorce with people anymore...it's like ancient history to me. I notice that when I talk about him or the divorce, I miss him. When I talk about my life alone now, I'm much happier...