Let's Create Some Mystery.........

[Tom_Servo]

I will have to give some of these things a try. Right now I dont think the W cares what I do. Something has to give.

[oxy2]

Tom,

I think your W does care. Show her you are moving on....you'll have to either way anyway.

Turn the tables on her and act confident and try some of the suggestions from the list.

Take care,
JCM

[oxy2]

Thought of a couple more mystery techniques...

- Never answer your home phone after 5:00pm. Whoever it is will leave a message. If it is your spouse or kids let them think you are out....they will call you on your cell phone.
- I called W yesterday and asked her for a recipe of a dish she used to make for me. I then asked her if the recipe she gave me would feed 6 people....giving her the impression I am having a dinner party.
- If you share kid custody tell your spouse you need a specific weekend without the kids. This will give them the impression you are taking a trip or have "special" plans.

Keep adding to the list and let's see if we can't get some of these sitch's jump started in 2004!!!!!

JCM

[dragonflie]

I am sending WAH some of his mail that is coming here. I put my first name and maiden name on the envelope. Is that creating mystery? We don't see each other and have very little contact, so I can't use the above suggestions.
maybe in time.....

[oxy2]

dragonflie,

I think what you are doing is good....it may be giving him a sign that you are moving on.

Maybe we should try to list some suggestions for those(like yourself) who has little with spouse. Obviously that makes it a little more difficult.

JCM

[dragonflie]

hey! that would be great!!

[wonder]

I find the best kind of mystery is the natural result of "getting a life". Intention is important.

Some ideas:

• Get the travel brochures... and then GO.
• Take a class or study something you have wondered about
• Get out with friends for dinner, movie, museums, whatever you like to do
• Entertain at home-- relaxed movie night, dinner party, etc.
• Get involved in a professional or community or parent group
• Set some personal goals and start working on them
• Update your look. Wear something different. Look great. Smell good.
• Start working out, even if it's one day a week. (great for stress relief!)
• Do things on your own that you'd previously have waited for S to do with or for you.
• Try new things and tell S about them if you're on friendly talking terms
• Be unexpected and not so predictable.
• Be willing to be less available-- not to get a reaction from your S, but because you actually have plans.
  

Seeming mysterious and confident because we're doing something different might give our Ss something to think about and upset the negative patterns between us. We hope they will pay attention. We don't control when that happens or how.

But it will definitely help us detach, get clearer about what we want and need-- and feel a whole lot better because we are doing it for ourselves!

wonder

[JerryG]

JCM, thanks for the input, Yes I have done a fair amount of the "Get a life" frequently do not answer her phone calls till next day, told her had plans, and did, went out of town for weekend, ignored her calls, I am pretty sure she even thinks I have dated some other women ( I have) so far she has not seemed too upset by it in her words, except that she noticed and commented to a freind a month ago that I was being a little mysterious? and she was a little depressed but no more signs since then that it really bothers her and she told me she wants me to find someone else and be happy?

Me thinks she might actually mean it?

[kevinlost]

Created a little mystery of my own last night. Had mixed results. read my latest post in my thread. D is comming to find out about her emails and the results. Any comments would be greatly appreciated..

[TripleJ]

In reading these ideas, I have to mention the biggest one for me. When my W asks about what is new in my life or what I have been up to or going to do..... My responses are MYSTERIOUS!!! I am vague enough to where I give the W the idea that I am moving on with my life but not giving her all of the details. Believe me, I learned this the hard way. I was doing great and her interest in what I was doing was peaked. But then I told her a little too much information and I backslid.