My caution is undoubtedly sabotaging any chance of real reconciliation that H and I might have, but the burning desire to get back together is no longer within me. If it happens, that's wonderful. If not, I can survive okay on my own.
No, I don't think that's possible. In fact, in my mind I would think the opposite. I am not talking from experience, but rather from watching others such as my exbil. He destroyed much. He knew it and he was willing to take the time, as much time as it took, to deal with that and make it as right as he could. That relationship was/is with his father and not a spouse. But the behavior is similar.
I think that taking the time and not just "jumping in" serves several purposes. Not the least of which is that it communicates that you are somebody worth pursuing. It also allows for strengthening of the relationship and resolve.
I see no reason to do more than be open to the idea. I agree with OT that you should not, and would not want to, assume it is something that XH needs to "prove" he has done the work. He needs to prove he can be trusted. That's the same as it would be with anyone coming into your life.
You need to prove you can be open to that concept. With him or anyone else and not just remain comfortable with the status quo.
My $.04 anyway.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
