Officially 6 months separated as of yesterday. It's hard to believe the huge differences in my life from 6 months ago to now. The personal growth has been difficult but very rewarding. I am surrounding by a ton of friends who love me. I am mending broken relationships with my family. I am getting closer to God. I am getting closer to myself.
These things have not come without pain. My w and I have had little to no contact in 6 months. She shows no signs of slowing down D, or wanting me in her life. I think the 2nd has been the larger pill to swallow out of the two.
It's been difficult not seeing myself as a reject when I am clearly being rejected.
However I continue to push forward. Now actively in the D process I struggle with loving myself and loving my w at the same time. Figuring out the difference of when I am being emotional (hurt and angry) vs. when it is fair for me to stand up for what is fair.
It's something I've never done before in my relationship with w. I know if I can do it, I will finally break this horrible cycle my w and I created the past 9 yrs.
I know that I have not been as positive as usual. That I have been working through alot of fear and pain in the past few weeks.
I appreciate the support you all have shown thus far, and the continuing support I know you will provide.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
