Hey Cam, Not super familiar with your sitch but I've been reading recent posts and I just want to give you one of these ((( ))) and say that I get it.
I would definitely talk to a doctor to see if the meds are contributing to some of this 'hopelessness' that you are feeling.
Alot of the feedback has been spot on however it always EASIER said that done.
Bond is right that you can control "you". And from what I am seeing - you are struggling with that. Controlling yourself around wife, controlling your negative thoughts, etc.
You are all over the place... and there is no blame there.. but it is what it is.
What about going dark? Not in a way to see if w misses you, but with the understanding that you are not in a place to deal with your sitch at the moment and you aren't doing any good to your w, your m, or you until you can work through some stuff.
It's okay. It's okay to take time for yourself. To let yourself grieve. To walk away from your sitch for a bit to allow the emotions to happen.
My w wanted to start mediation in August. I pushed it until October.. because I wasn't ready. I had too much going on internally and I just couldn't handle it. I made a note to myself that I wasn't running from my sitch, but that I needed to work on me for a bit to get to a place I needed to be.
It's okay to not have your sh!t together right now!!
But it's not okay to continue to put yourself in situations and do things.. knowing that you don't have your sh!t together.
Your wife says she doesn't want to deal with it.. you don't want to deal with it. So don't force it.
It's clear you're not ready - even if you want to be.
If your not able to communicate to w right now w/o hurt, anger, or talking about R.. then DON'T TALK TO HER.
Don't ignore where you are in your process. Embrace it. Work on it. Then move forward with sitch from there.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
