Suppose it was some other guy coming out of MLC. Suppose he told you about his bad choices, womanizing, alcohol abuse, etc... But, he also seemed remorseful and to be demonstrating very different behavior.
Suppose you were really falling for the guy.
Would it be: "There are so many good things about us, but I don't feel totally safe yet because of your recent past. How can we work through this while continuing to grow as a couple?"
Or
Would it be: "There are so many good things about us, but I don't feel totally safe yet because of your recent past. Come back when you've changed enough to make me feel safe."
Look, I'm definitely NOT pushing you to have him move home before you are ready for that. But if that is ever to happen, the work that needs to be done is not just his alone, it is also yours (yes still, there is more to do), and what I'm really pushing is that it will also have to be OURS (yours and XH's together as a partnership, as a team).
Becoming is real partner is going to feel risky to you NO MATTER WHO THAT PARTNER IS. But, to have real intimacy with anyone, it is a step you will have to take.
Maybe taking a dip in the deep end with XH is exactly what you BOTH need to continue to make progress as individuals and as partners.
