Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

I haven't posted in a while. Things are good on my front. I still have some issues with XH and S. Mostly because S talks all the time about OW and XH always says "just S and I" are doing this or that. I don't mind as much anymore that she is in the picture. I just wish he would admit it instead of lying or at least not say the "just". If he said we are going to this or that then it might include her or it might not, but it isn't lying.

On work front, I am busy busy busy. I have had two weeks of non-stop meetings, teaching, meetings, and maybe a chance to myself. It led to a little anxiety attack during one of my classes, but nothing they could see. Just I could feel. Nothing major just busy.

Personally, doing really well. I now know I am ready to date because I actually am flirting again and I have a crush on someone. I don't see it going anywhere, but it is funny because for the past two days I can't stop thinking about him. He is a friend at church. We don't talk too much but at the college football game concession for my church we flirted and joked a bunch, which was fun. I started to notice him about two weeks ago and around a week ago I started to like him a little more. It is funny how even though I am double the age I was the last time I was single, the feelings are still the same. If I was my friend (which I am), but I would think "how cute". Not really sure where to go from here. I am emotionally ready to get out there, but not sure how to do that. Plus I have always been a relationship type of girl, not a dating girl. Just who I am so from experience before, I flirt a lot and "hang out" in group settings and when I do "date", it usually led to a relationship right away (nothing serious) because we were already good friends and I guess dated in the group setting.

It all just makes me smile and laugh. If anyone has suggestions let me know, but a few complications. With churchguy, I don't want to come off as desperate. Oh and he is a little...or should I say a lot older than me so that is why I didn't notice him before (and was completely against it when friends would suggest it), but I don't know what changed recently. Either way it is all new to me, which is fun and scarey at the same time because I have the same crush feelings, but I am older and don't know protocol...Sorry for the rambling...giddy I guess. And for those wondering, no I don't act this way around him, just with my best friend and on here where I don't have anyone who personally knows me.