Thank you, Oldtimer.

I appreciate your insight and comments.

I oftimes come across as more hard-nosed than I am actually am. I really do have compassion for XH but his recent history of alcohol, violence, police arrests, and inability to hold a job weigh heavily in my decision. Until I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is back to being the "good" man I was married to for 20+ years, I can't afford to take him back. He has a lot to prove to me.

I am seeing big glimpses of the man he USED to be - the man I loved as my H for 20+ years - but some lingering doubts remain. Recent phone conversations tell me that he isn't yet willing to tkae the time to convince me that I won't be jumping back into the fire. He wants to come home NOW.

I just can't risk it yet, Oldtimer.

I do want to emphasize that I don't believe in settling the score. Revenge has nothing to do with my decision. I want the very best for XH, whether it's with me or with someone else. I will help him in every way I can.

Thanks again