She also complains that I contradict myself. I will make a request, she will make it clear that she's not going to do it, and I will tell her that's ok. That makes her very frustrated. I tell her that if she doesn't want to meet a request, I have three choices, keep asking, find a way to go without it, or find a different way to fulfill it. My learning here has been not to make requests.
The other issue I've been having is honesty. After the EA honesty is huge with me. She pursued two coworkers at her former job and had an EA with one. My DB coach suggested that we make a "contract" that if we feel tempted or catch ourselves flirting that we will immediately disclose to the other person and talk about it. She referred me to Pat Love's site regarding an "office spouse" so that we can be crystal clear about where the line is drawn.
Last week, she told me she went to lunch and went shopping with one of her female coworkers. Through a mutual friend I happened to hear that she had actually invited a male coworker to do lunch and the errand with her. It sounded like the other woman joining was last minute, but it turns out the 3 of them went out. I did not act surprised and didn't ask the mutual friend any questions as I didn't want to make a thing out of it.
Why did she not mention him when she told me about the lunch? I don't think there is anything going on there but the omission is troubling given that we are working on rebuilding and trust is so key. If she leaves out something innocent like that, how can I feel good that she will honor our contract?
If she had lunch with the guy and didn't tell me that would be fine. The fact that she had lunch with 2 people and only told me about one of them is weird. I don't want to bring it up because I don't want her to feel I'm keeping tabs, but it's bothering the hell out of me. What do I make of that?
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
