I don't know your sitch. I started posting in 2002, never posted much in MLC.
All I can say is: open your heart, it is a far greater risk not to do so.
You love the man XH is now, it seems. There is a difference between making XH pay for his sins, "earn" his way back in, rather than simply allowing a new R to start that of COURSE requires trust building -- it would with ANYONE after D.
Give yourself and XH the gift of a fresh start, a beginners mind.
Let go of any smidgen of wanting to settle the score, to be right, to win... All that will do is make you BOTH lose, and your son, and your grandson.
You have the compassion to see that XH's acts weren't about hurting you or his family. He was lost and in pain. He did the best he could, however shoddy his best was.
Now his best is far better, back to what you want and need. Don't push him away because of old hurts. They'll be there whether you reconcile or not.
Clean slate, earn trust, share intimacy, see what grows in this new R with deep roots.
