WAW in Los Angeles

[wawinla]

I'm meeting with my WAS this weekend to discuss specifics of the unwinding. We need to discuss our house/condo and the financial consequences of letting them get foreclosed or sell them short. She hasn't been part of the process at all, all part of her "Eat, Pray, Love" and not wanting to deal with the reality of the situation. I'm not happy with how this will affect me financially, but she's adamant on being okay with the consequences.

Forgive me WAW but I'm not understanding. She wants the D but you're doing all the work? Why are you the one taking the lead on this?

She wants it, but hasn't gotten involved with any of the details regarding the house etc. Since my WAW does not care about the financial consequences, I've taken the lead basically to to protect myself.

Since we've had minimal contact during the separation (hard to believe that it's been seven months), I find myself getting emotional when we do see each other. I have to remind myself that I need just be who I am now. Someone who understands and owns the mistakes they made in the relationship. And since the separation, working on becoming the person I was before with the added insights from the current sitx. I know when I see her this weekend, I'll be re-playing in my mind on how did I end up here? How can this person who I've spent nearly 20 years with be the way she's been? Must fight this urge...keep it positive and pleasant.

Yes you should fight it. As you know the why's don't matter. You're right to keep it positive and pleasant. The emotions will come up but figure out how to help yourself beforehand.

I psyched myself up. I journaled. I dressed well (which you should too) and I spent time with my close friends. It really did help curb the emotions at least for awhile. What can you do?

Thanks for the support. Spent a quiet reflective morning, spoke to close friends, and mentally quieting myself before the meeting later today.

My goal is not to get suck into any arguments, especially if my WAS says things like "you're screwing me", "I can't believe you're insisting on that, justifies my decision to divorce you." and remain calm and even keel.

In terms of being the person I want to be, being underemployed makes it difficult at times. Following up on the notion of being an "attractive person" and "someone a fool would want to leave", it's hard being totally confident while my career is in flux.

I completely understand this, but have faith.. have faith that the changes you are making to yourself will benefit ALL aspects of your life including your work.

Appreciate the encouragement.

When my WAS has asked how I'm doing, I get the sense she's asking because she's not happy with the thought of paying me spousal support. For me, my mind runs too I paid for your Ivy League MBA, stop playing victim.

Did you actually tell her you are going for spousal support or is that her fear?

Also - I understand your thoughts completely.. just be aware of them. Make sure that statement means - I contributed to the marriage vs. I'm angry and hurt.. make sense?

It's her fear. I haven't really pressed that, since I'm hoping for R. When my WAW brought up that she had spoken to an attorney, I saw one and they mentioned that I should press forward on getting support. I know my WAW's attorney has cued her that I'm entitled, so I know she's trying to manipulate me into not having to pay it.

Also she's focused on what's her's, what I'm legally obligated too, and not what's fair. This is evident by her relying on the fact that we've only been married for 4.5 years but together for 18.

Been boxing up and getting things organized for the inevitable move to an apartment. This process has been difficult, letting go of a life that is now gone. The reality and finality of it all...quite sobering.

It sukks ((()))

Unbelieveable sukks!

A mutual friend recently ran into my WAS. He mentioned to me that she is quite happy with her new found freedom. When she friended him on FB, he mentioned to me that her message to all her friends is a quote from Steve Jobs (RIP)..."Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma--which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." His point in telling me this..."she's blaming you for her past unhappiness and relishing her new life".

Don't look too much into this. Sure she could mean it, maybe she doesn't. Either way it's not healthy for you to get on a hamsterwheel about it.

Your friend doesn't know what she thinks either so if what he said has you on a rollercoaster, tell him you prefer he not tell you things like that.

Good luck sweetie. You can do this!

You'll be in my thoughts!

Sigh...yes...can't get caught up into what she's doing or with whom.

Thanks again for the encouragement!