When we "started over" 3 weeks ago, he said he didn't have feelings for me but he would give it a chance. I said, "I can't make you love me" and he said, "How do you know?" and said he has had feelings for me off and on over the years, but before they can develop, I do something to make him mad, and they go away.
He said he could see us in a long-term relationship after all, and can identify us as a "couple" rather than simply in a "co-parenting" relationship. He said he thought he could give affection and even have sex at some point.
He HAS been committed to me for these years,even though it hasn't been a legal marriage.
I get sad and think about how I want to be with someone who LOVES me, but there are many good things about this relationship I am in now with this good man, and if I left it to start a relationship with a new man, there is no guarantee that he would love me forever.
How important is it to me for a man to love me if he is doing so many other good things?
And really, he DOES "care about" me. He has never been "in love" or in a really meaningful relationship. He has had a couple of "crushes" on women who were not available. His longest "relationship" was 4 months and he has always run away from women who wanted to "get serious". He has only started relationships with women he would not consider marrying. This relationship we are in is probably the most meaningful and long lasting that he'll ever have.
Many women would not tolerate being in a relationship with a man who "can't love". I wouldn't if not for the child. I hate thinking that we're only together because of the child, but is that really a bad thing?
Now that he has acknowledged that we are "a couple" and are "long term", it has given me a sense of security.
I'm still going to do the last resort and see what happens. He has got to have some kind of feelings for me, if only I can bring them out. They were there before. It is not like he never found me attractive, enjoyed my company, or had "feelings".
