we ARE committed and monogamous, and although other Christians may not agree with this, I do feel married "in God's eyes" and I am as devoted as I would be if we were legally married.
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He actually let me kiss him for the first time in almost 3 years and HE is the one that took it further, and for a few moments, I felt like I had him "back". But last night, for the first time in 3 1/2 years I insisted that he spend 20 minutes alone (in public) with me. I wanted quality time, but he acted like a caged animal.
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He has made 3 big steps...he has gotten better at eye contact with me and he has "renamed" our relationship (too bad it is only in name only at this point, but before he wasn't open to the idea at all), and he has opened up to some physical contact (one time).
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It was a huge shift for me to agree to sex without legal marriage, it was a huge shift for him to agree to think of this as a long-term relationship and to open himself up to things he had been resisting--such as a "date" with me and him without the child, affection, and sex.
Ummm...so let me get this straight. He objected to you dating another guy, BUT he's not dating you, sleeping with you, or otherwise wooing you himself?
I think you have to ask yourself - what is it about YOU that you would be willing to work so hard for such crumbs from this guy?
Don't you feel you deserve a guy who is really into you and wants to be with you?
I don't think that after three years, the odds of him suddenly stepping up to the plate romantically are very good.
This may be a good time to work on you, and figure out your dysfunctional patterns when it comes to dating. (I speak as someone who is prone to relationships where I am the pursuer myself - perhaps rooted in some childhood insecurities about my worth, as well as the loss of my father when I was a teen. I am drawn to the guys who are difficult to win over - then surprised when they aren't as into me as I am to them! My best friend often finds herself in relationships with guys who are married or otherwise involved - in her case, re-enacting the "loss" of her dad to marriage to her step-mother and trying to win that competition.)
Also - just a thought - if he has dual citizenship, is there any possibility that he has a wife back in Turkey?
I understand that the first few months of your relationship felt good and you really want to recreate that - but honestly, if he was the kind of guy who was capable of that relationship for the long haul, his behavior in the intervening years would have been different. Instead, he's acted exactly like a guy who meant what he said in the beginning - that he didn't want a committed relationship with you, he just wanted to have fun. When guys say things like that, BELIEVE THEM!
I think it is entirely reasonable to tell him, that you appreciate his co-parenting and friendship, but that you have needs and if he isn't interested in fulfilling those needs, you are planning to start dating again. End of story.
