one month later

[brianw17]

thanks workinghard. We talked for the 1st time a few days ago in therapy. I listened to her reasons which are:

She was unable to meet her goals like a) not being able to spend enough time with her family, I would have liked to say "we have them over every week for a pool party, and see them once a week in addition, and you work with them" but I didn't I just apologized and did not defend my actions. b) not able to go on family vacations ( we did not have the money the last 3 years, but if she said she was going to leave me over that, well than I would have found a way) C) She doesn't want to/is not ready to/doesn not want to have children with me. D) she fell out of love with me.

During my after session the T, said she was proud of me, and that I gave it my best shot.

in my letter I asked her what is the rush of getting divorced, and asked if we can actually try T together. Her reply was "I can't"

She said she liked all of the things I am doing now, Coaching Youth Hockey, fostering a dog for a rescue org. etc. But she wished I had done them a year ago.

She also said she should have never married me.

The T, believes that all of her reasons are a cop-out and that she will realize that I, nor our marriage prevented her from reaching any of her personal goals. It was her, but by the time she figures that out, I will probably already be gone.

How do I give up hope?

in T, I tried to buy some time. but she went to see a lawyer on 10/8/2011. I will try to drag my feet as much as possible without making her upset. A dissolution will take 90 days from the time we file.

She emailed me about the lawyer and that she wants to try to remain friends (we have all the same friends) and I replied this.
Katie,


Thanks for letting me know. I truly want to work hard to make the best of this situation and make this as comfortable as possible for us. If we become angry with each other it will just hurt us both more. What kinds of things should I be expecting? And What kinds of questions did he ask? Since this will be a disillusion he will represent us both correct?


I understand that it will take work from us to move into a friendship, and that it will take time. I love you so much. I just want you to be happy. I wish it could be with me, but I understand. I am sorry for all my faults.


I had a thought to make this as easy as possible we could take some time write a letter to our friends and family explaining things like; we both care for each other and that we are both at fault. And that we will remain friends (even though we are not there yet).... etc I just don't want sides to be drawn, lose friends, or uncomfortable situations for ourselves and our friends. What do you think?


B