Albuquerque living part 3:Strapped in for the ride

[Albuquerque]

Update,

Wow, can't believe I may have to start a new thread soon. Anyhow, a few things have happened since my last update.

Things continue to go mostly well at home. We recently took a short weekend trip with D and had a good time. However, on day 1, towards the end of the day, H seemed very upset all of the sudden. Once we got to the hotel room, I could tell he was extremely anxious and could see he had something to tell me. I asked what was up. He told me that as we were leaving to go back to the hotel that day, x-OW had texted him. I said OK. He then told me that she had told him that in order to get closure, she was going to send ME a whole bunch of correspondence etc between them. I told him quite simply that if I got an email like that, I'd simply delete it. He seemed relieved. I also told him that I felt that behavior like that was kind of bitchy. He agreed that it was VERY bitchy. I also told him that I didn't believe it in the first place. Doing that would not result in any type of closure. H seemed to relax some but it was clear he was still very bothered and didn't even eat dinner that night.

That night, I ended up having bad dreams about the whole thing and did a lot of thinking. I admit, getting to see correspondence between them is extremely enticing. Who doesn't wonder what their spouse said/says and did/does with the OP. But the more I thought about it the more I knew that my original response was the right one. I KNOW my H didn't say nice things about me because he didn't say nice things about me to my face. I'm sure any conversations about me between them were unpleasant. And I already know they had a relationship so I'm sure their interactions were all lovey dovey and, at least in her case, she was sure they were bound for marriage. So nothing good would come of my snooping anyhow.

Needless to say, even though we had fun the next few days, I flinched a little every time I saw I had email. Fortunately, nothing arrived. I asked H, while we were on our way home, whether he had heard from her again. He hadn't.

Anyhow, I had to work the day after arriving home. When I arrived home, H was clearly in a funk. We had an uncomfortable dinner and then he said he needed to take a walk. I let him have his space. When he returned, although I was dying to know what was up, I didn't pry. I knew he'd tell me when he was ready. Later that evening, he simply said "Did you know it costs $5 a month to block a number?". I said, "why are you blocking a number?". He then explained that x-OW had texted him again today. She was claiming that she had left her phone at a friends house and that the friend went through her old texts and decided to text H about sending me stuff and that it wasn't really her at all. I said "that sounds dubious". He agreed that it sounded very dubious and that he'd finally had enough of the nonsense and opted to just block her number. I told him I was sorry he had to deal with that. He simply said "the gift that keeps on giving".

That evening, I pulled up an email account I hadn't checked since before our weekend trip. It's not one I use a lot and is more for impersonal correspondence. To my surprise, one of my emails was from twitter, alerting me that x-OW was now following me. I was surprised. The date on it was the same date as when she was texting H about sending me stuff. When I pulled up twitter, she was not listed, so she must have cancelled that. When I showed H, he said, you can block her if you need. And then said that the same thing had happened to him. I'm not sure whether she was just very drunk that night, or if her story was true. However, even if her story was true, per H, she didn't seem that concerned that other people were sending him texts like that.

Once again, as I mentioned previously, her blocking and unblocking me on FB are noticed since she shares a name with my sister in law. I saw she had unblocked me again and, out of curiosity, went to her page which I've been to before. However, this time, she noticeably had added a picture of her and my H together. And she had done so within the last week. Not that I'm saying its a new picture. But clearly, he's still on her mind if she's adding pictures of them together. I informed H that night of the new picture and he went to her page to verify. He simply said "looking back, this is all just so stupid".

Anyhow, despite the recent x-OW turmoil, our relationship has been going very well. We seem to be reconnecting in a very real way. He told me the other day that he is refilling his antidepressants, but then will be working on weaning himself off of them. As he put it (and I swear these words came out of his mouth), when this all started he felt like he lost himself. And that in his confusion, he ended up blaming me for things that had nothing to do with me. And that he never felt so lost and confused and out of control. But recently, he's felt like he's been finding himself again. And as a result, he feels like he can start weaning himself off of his drugs.

Hopefully that process goes OK. I know that going off the drugs can result in mood swings and hypersensitivity, so we'll have to see what happens. As for me, I admit I've been having to work hard at not falling back into old patterns. It was easy to establish a new routine when H wasn't there following old routines. But because of my actions, he's ended up joining me on some outings and meetings and seems to have gotten quite a lot of enjoyment out of them.

I'll leave you with another funny statement my H said the other day on FB. It was about a year ago that H started to come out of the fog. Unfortunately, he was still too much in the fog to even choose to come with me to my brother's wedding (and they are very close). A mention of the anniversary was made on FB. H posted "Happy anniversary! Sorry I was busy being crazy and missed it!"

At least he can find some humor in this whole thing!