Anger is part of the process. If you are not feeling it and processing it you haven't moved forward.
If this stuff doesn't make you angry, then I venture to say you don't have much self respect.
And I know you do. You have to work toward getting that back.
You don't get it by hurting someone the way they hurt you.
Turn the other cheek? Not a sign of weakness or meekness.
As sign of strength. I look at it as saying (by acting) that you know what you believe and value and NOTHING will happen until YOU decide it for YOURSELF.
It says to the world (and your W)
"Is that all you got? That doesn't break me."
I am going to say this because I beleive it and have lived it:
You are not dealing with a typical wayward W. Your W is dealing with trauma that has caused her deep emotional and phsychological damage.
She must decide to deal with it and she won't suddenly "come to her senses" by you exposing the affair.
She won't "have more respect for you" because you expose her A either.
She doesn't respect herself so how can she respect you. You are the one causing all her pain in her mind right now.
You are the perpetrator and she is the victim.
Do you want to continue in that role?
Will it help?
There is no one answer for all situations IMO. And there is a spectrum along which I think each WAS may lie. At one extreme let's say is batchit crazy and the other is rational, well adjusted, healthy person.
The difference in the two?
One is leaving because they can't stand themselves and is blaming you and the M for it.
The other is leaving because after a period of unhappiness and contemplation they don't choose YOU.
One is confused and the other is not.
Where along the spectrum is your W?
In any case you do not control another and the sooner you realize that and stop placing your self worth in the hands of another
...actively trying to force an outcome,
making your own happiness contingent on the actions or reactions of your spouse,
the better your life will be.
And maybe, maybe your M can be saved by this decision by you.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
