I know exactly what you mean about the [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed]forums.
Those guys really push for the R to end. I can see in your case how they would push you to D. They did to me too. I am huge into [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed], but some caveats do apply.
When you start becoming an IG your interactions with others will change. The pure fact that you start establishing boundaries will ruffle some feathers. Some partners adapt to this others don't. The biggest mistake IMHO is to declare you won't take crap anymore and start cutting people off. (kinda like your W). Sometimes I feel some devotees start worrying too much about "being right". It's not about who is right but about what is fair. NG's don't even shoot for that, thus get walked all over.
In your sitch I think there's a chance she may never come back. If she does it will be rather hard for her as she runs into an IG not an NG. You owe it to yourself if she comes back to take the lead and establish the rules. She'll probably try to negotiate don't fall into that trap. Find what is a deal breaker and stick to it.
Be careful as you become an IG not to go MLC yourself. It's about balance.
