Living in the trenches....Thread #5

[Navyguy]

Hey everyone, I'm still here.

The last week has been pretty hard. It's almost felt like W has been going out of her way to treat me like crap. Things seemed ok for the first couple days after our talk (two posts ago), but we have definitely digressed since then.

W has not been inititating any interaction with me...talking, eye contact, physical, etc. I have tried to back off from when I thought we were improving, but apparently it wasn't enough.

I feel like i can do nothing right. The other night was a perfect example. The kids had swim lessons, so I left work early to take them. Traffic was a complete nightmare, so I didn't make it back in time. I called W to tell her that I wasn't going to make it, she said it was ok and she'll take them. When I finally got home (my 12 mile commute took 1.75 hours) the house was pretty messy so I started cleaning and started cooking dinner. When W and kids got home, I had almost finished cleaning and cooking. W walks in and says nothing, S3 walks in and sees that I was cooking and starts crying, because he wanted mc Donalds. W then tells him that "she didn't say we would get mcdonalds, but that we would go home and see if daddy wanted to go". So I get the huge guilt trip because S3 didn't get mcdonalds...I then offered to stop cooking so we could go and W replied in her "annoyed" tone that "it's fine we can just eat here". I was fuming, but managed to let it go.

I guess what is really bothering me right now is that W seems to be unilaterally deciding when we get to act like we're married. God forbid that I touch her or say or do something nice to/for her when she's "not feeling it".

I don't know how to get things back on track....or maybe this is the track and these pullbacks are to be expected? After the highs of a few weeks ago, this really, really hurts to feel like ive been kicked back to the curb.

It continues now...we were sitting on the couch, then W took her books downstairs to study and is laying in the bed down there. I went down to ask if she was ok...she said she "was trying to get some schoolwork done and that she really needed some space right now". So I went out for awhile. When I got back I noticed she had taken her pillow down there. I asked her if she is planning to sleep down there. She said "I don't know". I can't help but think that meant "yes I am but I don't want to tell you". Anyways, I'm laying in bed alone right now.

Sorry for the negativity here....I just needed to get some of this off my chest and find out if I'm being reasonable or not. I feel really used right now, and it doesn't feel good at all.